tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post3022062507804640447..comments2024-03-13T02:24:49.009-04:00Comments on It Only Takes One: Do I want it bad enough?Aramishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12275274008426941898noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-25151548631883647182019-07-22T02:54:02.476-04:002019-07-22T02:54:02.476-04:00Thank for sharing such important information. It w...<br /> Thank for sharing such important information. It will be very useful for us in future. Good keep it up and keep writing. Read more about <br /><a href="https://www.dubaiflooring.ae/carpets/" rel="nofollow">Carpet in Abu Dhabi </a> <br />maxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17928808159346906381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-48657812468316872702019-02-12T00:39:23.738-05:002019-02-12T00:39:23.738-05:00Thank you for sharing such important information. ...Thank you for sharing such important information. 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Then we turned around and spent a few days with his two nieces. When we left, we were about 5 minutes down the road when my husband said he was now terrified of being pregnant, especially because we have twins! But being an Auntie and Uncle is a lot different than when they are your own kids. Because you are a novelty to them, they are always wanting to be entertained, always busy climbing on you, jumping around you, and it's never ending. At least they SAY its a lot different, and I would tend to agree. Not that it will be easy by any means. You are so very normal in having these doubts. I've had them. I still have them. Yet I still hope we get to take these babies home when it's alll said and done. I hope you get that opportunity as well. Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16507432917936364757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-41362707520465085902013-07-14T13:07:19.218-04:002013-07-14T13:07:19.218-04:00Great post. I have the exact same fears about bei...Great post. I have the exact same fears about being a parent and I'm someone who has always, ALWAYS wanted children. I wonder that being childless for so long has gotten us into a rut of selfishness that can't be overcome, and sometimes other people's kids are annoying as hell. I'm new to your blog, but for what it's worth, it sounds like you want it very badly and are being a responsible adult by asking yourself these questions.Fieryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06477507213781894921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-84542462121635704422013-07-12T19:03:28.589-04:002013-07-12T19:03:28.589-04:00I also could have written your post word for word....I also could have written your post word for word. Before I met my husband I was determined to only ever be an auntie. 6 months after my wedding I developed an insane deep instinctual need to have a baby but somewhere between my first and second IVF that feeling died. Conception was supposed to be the "funnest part" of parenthood (so my friends told me). I was clearly not having fun and when I thought about parenthood I no longer thought about all the fun stuff but about all the drudgery and sleepless nights. I began to fear pregnancy and when our cycle failed I felt guilty that I had caused it to fail. Honestly the fact that the baby hunger hasn't returned has made the decision to go childfree easier and when I have second thoughts, spending the day with my nephews gets rid of them quickly. I think doubts are normal and that they will help you be happy with whatever path you end up onAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-31992368435918452582013-07-12T15:25:01.876-04:002013-07-12T15:25:01.876-04:00Soo... I will also feel like a dick for saying thi...Soo... I will also feel like a dick for saying this, but I'm not really a "kid person" at all. My best friend has the cutest nieces and nephews, aged 2, 4 and 6, and they are seriously as lovely/hilarious/adorable as it gets. But after hanging out with them for a few hours, I am so done. Not just physically exhausted but mentally "over it", as it were. Bored with playing "I spy", annoyed at their repetitive line of questioning, etc. It sounds HORRIBLE, I realize, but my mom said she kinda felt the same way -- but when it comes to your own child, it's totally, completely different. Another friend of mine once said, "There are people who want to breed, and people who want to parent," and we are definitely in the "breeding" camp. It's a pretty darn selfish place to be, I guess, but also pretty normal in a way.<br /><br />Long story short, your niece is clearly amazing and you are an amazing aunt... but I still think you should keep pushing for your own, just a teensie bit longer!YeahScience!http://www.yeahscienceblog.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-23847970527936961822013-07-12T14:14:12.755-04:002013-07-12T14:14:12.755-04:00If you didn't have doubts, then you don't ...If you didn't have doubts, then you don't know what you are getting into. It is big and life changing. I think doubts are signs of a good to-be-parent. I had doubts that I wanted to ever get married until I met my husband. And I had doubts that I wanted a baby until I held mine in my arms. She is definitely tiring but it is oh-so-different when it is your own. I just got back from a family trip too and spent time running around with my neices. I love them dearly too but it is not the same. I think what surprised me the most about my DD is how interesting I find everything that she does. think about all the times you are trapped by a parent telling you the most boring story. But, in my experience, as the parent, that story is so interesting. (I also (mostly) understand that no one else agrees and try to keep them to myself. But, it is this big difference when it is your child. Most of my freinds (who went on to become parents) were quasi-reluctant parents and now they are all the crazy obsessed types. hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02310020873449724746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-76785840411397158742013-07-11T10:29:19.213-04:002013-07-11T10:29:19.213-04:00Hello - just found your blog! I have felt similar ...Hello - just found your blog! I have felt similar to you from time to time and sometimes worried that my quest for motherhood is one for 'fitting in' with my peers. I know I would loved to be a mother - but expect there will be plenty of moments where I miss my old life. <br /><br />I love my nieces and nephews but don't worry that they tire me as:<br /><br />1) you're right, she probably was extra wound up because she sees you less often<br />2) I assume I will have a stronger attachment to my own offspring (biological or adopted)<br /><br />Kate Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-14099145035441438082013-07-11T08:44:51.025-04:002013-07-11T08:44:51.025-04:00I was directed to this post by Conceptionally Chal...I was directed to this post by Conceptionally Challenged and I'm so glad she suggested it. I just wrote a similar post about judging myself for considering life without children. You are not alone in your doubts and worries - I'm right there with you. Thank you so much for putting a lot of my fears into words and helping me not feel like such a freak for having them!Curly Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07232873717802171517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-50532321980480284022013-07-10T21:45:12.782-04:002013-07-10T21:45:12.782-04:00You are not alone. I always figured I would have k...You are not alone. I always figured I would have kids one day, but it wasn't something I dreamt about. I was happy to wait until I found the right person and was ready for it. I am terrified of the changes about to happen to my life. I really enjoy my downtime and that is going away. I very often think I may be too selfish for this. I love being able to do things spur of the moment. It made me feel better when we had a friend tell us it's different when it's your own kid. He and his wife would babysit their friend's toddler and were wiped out and couldn't wait to give the kid back. Now they have their own and while it's still exhausting, they say it's just different and you can deal with it all better. <br />I think all that matters is that it's something you want now. It doesn't matter how much or for how long. It's not a competition.JenShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00056681492831041470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-69126053884980894942013-07-10T17:12:12.249-04:002013-07-10T17:12:12.249-04:00I think this may be a self-protection mechanism. I...I think this may be a self-protection mechanism. I always wanted kids, and yet, at some point -- during a ttc break because it was all getting too much for me -- I seriously considered living child-free. Because I didn't want to go back to the misery of trying and failing. Or, perhaps, in your words, I didn't think I'd want it enough [to go through this]. And yet, at the same time, I think I also learned to accept that we'd be okay without kids, even if that wouldn't be what we initially wanted.<br /><br />Hang in there. You'll be a good mom someday.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-89761498496897407242013-07-10T13:50:58.805-04:002013-07-10T13:50:58.805-04:00I always wanted kids, maybe more because of societ...I always wanted kids, maybe more because of societal reasons--kind of like why I went to college. I didn't really think about why I wanted to go, just that I always knew I would go. That said, I really do want them. And I really have to believe that when they're your own it's different. Because I feel the same way around other people's kids. <br /><br />I wold guess that most women fall into my pre-IVF category of wanting children--wanting them because you're supposed to. Then, they get pregnant relatively easily and that's it; end of debate. We infertiles have months and years to think about the ins and outs of having children and we have to weigh the pain and expense it takes to bring a child into the world with the abstract idea of how rewarding having a child is.<br /><br />However, and this is only tangentially related to your post, I'm not sure that I want my own bio kids enough to go through all that we're going through. Chances are slim that our kids will have my or my husband's genes, but yet fighting for just that. And each time something goes wrong, despite knowing our odds are long, it still affects me, him, us. And I'm not sure I want to keep going through it. Having a child seems worth it; having one biologically related to me is starting to seem less so. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-57886296657976000432013-07-10T13:03:56.899-04:002013-07-10T13:03:56.899-04:00It's so different when it's YOUR kid. At l...It's so different when it's YOUR kid. At least, I have to assume it is. Just like I get annoyed all the time by my nieces and nephews and even more so by non-related children, but I still know in my heart of hearts that I need to be a mother. <br /><br />Maybe it's a bad comparison, but I never wanted or liked dogs. Eric insisted, I relented, and now I am head over heels crazy in love with my two boys. I still don't like other people's dogs; they piss me off (though I'm a hell of a lot more tolerant than I used to be). I think my dogs are the cutest and greatest dogs to ever walk the Earth and no other dog could possibly compare. Sounds a lot like parents, right?<br /><br />Just because you didn't want it until later doesn't mean you want it less. I think we (infertiles in general) are so quick to get angry when parents complain about the challenges of child-rearing, but it's silly to think it will be sunshine and roses all the time. Things will suck. Things will change. But in the end I truly believe it's worth it and the good things far outweigh the bad. Deedahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02386061097583007160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-90200866655769950652013-07-10T12:05:49.129-04:002013-07-10T12:05:49.129-04:00You're not alone in feeling this way. I didn&...You're not alone in feeling this way. I didn't always want to be a mother. It didn't hit me until I was about 29. And I had the same doubts about motherhood as you. I don't think feeling this way makes you unworthy or means you don't want it enough. It means that you're intelligent enough to consider all possible outcomes and make an informed, well-thought-out decision. <br /><br />Speaking from my own experience (which is rather limited at this point), I have no regrets about having a baby, despite the complete exhaustion, lack of free time, and postpartum depression. For me, it's all worth it. He's worth it. I can't say for certain that you'll feel the same way, but I'd wager that you will. :)Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14101535107377688458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-1150611256030992732013-07-10T09:50:29.819-04:002013-07-10T09:50:29.819-04:00I'm one who has always wanted to be a mother. ...I'm one who has always wanted to be a mother. But your feelings are completely normal and I'd say most people feel that way at times. My husband wants a child just as badly as I do, but I know he worries about how it will change our lives. My sister is one who wasn't ever sure she wanted kids, and even while pregnant at 35, worried about resenting her child because of how her life would change. But now, seeing her with my niece, I know she feels she made the right decision. You'll be a great mother. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-30432103296106538632013-07-09T23:49:28.915-04:002013-07-09T23:49:28.915-04:00"...does having these doubts mean that my ins..."...does having these doubts mean that my instincts as a twenty-something were right, and that I shouldn't be trying to have children at all?"<br /><br />No.<br /><br />Having those doubts means that you are a responsible, thoughtful person who knows that parenting is about more than fulfilling your own (or worse, someone else's) expectations. It means that you are already thinking about the well-being of the child you haven't conceived yet. Having those doubts means that you will be an amazing mother!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-89895553061841370292013-07-09T22:44:16.961-04:002013-07-09T22:44:16.961-04:00As someone who has always wanted to be a mother, I...As someone who has always wanted to be a mother, I can tell you I have these thoughts too sometimes. I work with kids, and at the end of the day, I am so happy to come home to my nice, quiet house. But I also know it's different when it's your own kids. Somehow, that makes the noise and the chaos and the exhaustion all worth it. (Still not sure exactly how that math works, but every fertile on the planet will tell you it's true.)Darylhttp://soonafamily.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-88903214755422563552013-07-09T21:55:51.590-04:002013-07-09T21:55:51.590-04:00I think that it is totally normal to feel this way...I think that it is totally normal to feel this way. This post verbalises how a lot of us feel. I find it really overwhelming at times around children as well. Mrs B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/12257400744295743552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-66550788273974965462013-07-09T20:28:07.155-04:002013-07-09T20:28:07.155-04:00It's not just you. I could have written this p...It's not just you. I could have written this post.word.for.wordjAllenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06282963869813954232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-27050191710343150072013-07-09T17:13:15.680-04:002013-07-09T17:13:15.680-04:00It's not just you. I started to think I would ...It's not just you. I started to think I would be OK with kids by about age 20. Before that I went through a phase of thinking babies and especially pregnancy was repulsive. I think it had to do with the fact that growing up can be hard, and I would think (as I'm sure a lot of people do) "If I can barely manage to become an adult, why would I put another person through that?!) I also had huge doubts about my ability to nurture someone or even something to that degree. I would have nightmares where I was supposed to care for an animal and it would always die. But then as I got some confidence and a wider perspective I thought, yeah, kids would be OK. Just OK, not something I would kill for LOL. I also barely made enough money to put me above the poverty line before age 27, so having a baby would have been stupid. So much for the "most fertile years." Pah!<br /><br />By the time I started dating my husband, however, I knew I wanted kids. A lot of things changed my perspective including realizing how important family life was to me: family wasn't just something I wanted to outgrow, it was something I wanted to continue. Still, while I enjoy little kids (and big kids) and bond with them quite well, I've never been the woman who snatches at every baby in sight. I don't think that's necessary in order to be a good parent. Being a parent is a role that changes as the child grows. There's room for all kinds of personalities (barring abuse or neglect).torthĂșilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1204645813125946014.post-4867156733699810762013-07-09T16:33:51.480-04:002013-07-09T16:33:51.480-04:00I'm with Aubrey. I always wanted a few kids, b...I'm with Aubrey. I always wanted a few kids, but I am reaching the point now where I am realizing that my life can be fulfilling and happy without kids. It would be a different life than I envisioned, but I am sure that I could make it a full life. <br /><br />I've been thinking of putting off further IUI treatments so I can go to Machu Picchu. (Hubby says if I get pregnant I cant go.) At times like this, it makes me realize that when kids arrive there will be no more last minute "hmmm I might go check out Machy Picchu and hike down to Bolivia in a few months" Life is what you make it. xoxoGypsy Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13026496787029080243noreply@blogger.com