Monday, 1 December 2014

2nd Blogiversary

What a difference a year makes.

Last year in my first blogiversary post, I lamented the fact that I was feeling left behind, as almost half of the bloggers I was following were now either pregnant or parenting.  This year, that statistic has risen to almost 80%.  For a lot of people, it's been an awfully good year.

I'm one of them.  You might not be.  And maybe now you're one of the ones who's feeling left behind.

This post is for you.

I want you to know that you're not forgotten.  I want you to know that I remember all too well how it feels to read or hear about yet another pregnancy announcement.  To feel that bittersweet mix of happiness for someone else, tinged with more than a little sadness for yourself.  To blink back your tears until you can make it to a bathroom somewhere and let it out, just a little, only to bottle it back up again so you can head back to your desk or party or wherever it is you are without people knowing you've been crying.

To wonder if it will ever be you.

I remember all too well how it feels to grieve over and over again, month after month, year after year.  To ride the roller coaster of each new cycle from excitement to fear to disappointment, and wonder if you'll know when it's time to get off.  To question whether you'll have the strength to do so when it is.

To have hope become an enemy.

I wish I could tell you that it's all going to work out how you want it to, and that your BFP is just around the corner.  I wish I could tell you that you just have to do a few more cycles, or try IVF, or try a donor or a surrogate, and you'll get your wish.  But we both know I can't do that.  No one can.  All I can tell you is that, a year ago, I was in that same place.  I was starting to think that it would always be someone else's turn, and that it would never be mine.  And then, for a little while, it got even worse.  And then I became one of the lucky ones.

I hope with every single fibre of my being that someday it'll be you.  If I've been remiss in not saying it before, let me say it now: I'm still with you.  I haven't for one second forgotten what it feels like.  No matter what this journey holds for you, know that you're not alone.  

Everyone here is ready to go
It's been a hard year with nothing to show
From down this road
It's only on we go, on we go
Everyone here is ready to go
It's been a hard year, and I only know
From down this low
It's only up we go, up we go 


15 comments:

  1. Beautifully said, and so true. I've been reflecting on my path to baby, how hard it was, how left behind I felt, and how even to this day I can't forget the pain I endured. Those still struggling to find their way to baby are definitely not forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this! I've had some guilt lately of being blessed to have overcome infertility but leaving 'behind' my fellow bloggers. Well put. Bravo.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy blogiversary, Aramis. I'm glad this year has brought you what you've longed for. May others on this road find resolution soon too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loving this! I'll admit that I often feel further and further removed from where I was as opposed to where I am. Then in certain moments, a phrase or a photo or a song will just hit me right in the feels, and it sends me back to remembering all too well what it felt like to not know if I'd ever get to be a parent. Thanks for putting this out there.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love this...
    I do fee left behind a bit these days...4+ years of TTC (3 full years of blogging) all to come to the end, with no happy ending ( we have no more options available to us to ever bring home a take home baby)...Now contending with chronic health issues, which is a whole other world of alienating, I just sit back and scroll through my blogs and try not to cry...Im so happy literally every SINGLE person I have known in my TTC time has moved on to their happy ending, it just sucks being the one that wont...not ever...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Happy blogiversary! This post is perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Absolutely LOVE this post. I have felt left behind for years, watching my fellow infertiles cross to the other side. Now, in the middle of my last fresh IVF mixed with donor embryo cycle, I am hope hope hoping that it is finally - FINALLY! - my time.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This post is perfect, so thank you! Happy blogiversary! Time flies :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I too remember being one of the ones left behind. So happy you acknowledged those that might be feeling that way! Happy blogiversary.

    ReplyDelete
  10. What a good post and so true. It is hard to not be on the other side when many others are...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you. It helps to know you are not forgotten and others that have moved on have felt this way before.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am so happy for how different this blogiversary is for you. It's so complicated making it to the other side of infertility. I I very much remember the feelings of being left behind. Honestly, pregnancy announcements still have a little sting. This was an amazing way to acknowledge those still struggling.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is a perfect blogiversary post! I'm so happy that this year you got to celebrate it a lot differently. I'm so dang happy for you!!!!!!! And I love what you said, letting others know that you are still here for them. That's exactly how I feel.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you for this post.

    ReplyDelete

I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!