Updates from a grump-tastic week

I've been struggling a little bit about what to write lately, now that we're not actively doing any infertility treatments.  I guess I kind of feel a little bit irrelevant at the moment, even though our journey is far from over.  I've been taking my DHEA (no side effects so far) and M's been taking his "boner pills", but that's it.  I don't even know what cycle day I'm on.  I have probably ovulated but have no idea when it happened; I'm just guessing based on when my last period was.  M and I have had sex when we felt like it, and I haven't bothered to lie there for 20 minutes afterwards with my hips propped up.  And you know what?  It's fucking awesome.

I certainly haven't forgotten about our infertility, though.  Last week the one remaining childless person in my unit at work announced that he and his wife are expecting.   I managed to choke out a congratulations, but then sneaked out to hide in the bathroom as my other officemates (all parents) launched into in-depth baby talk.  Nothing like a sucker-punch pregnancy announcement to take the wind out of your sails.

The wind stayed out my sails pretty much the whole rest of the week.  At first I felt grumpy for no particular reason, and then the reasons started piling up.  First we ended up dropping an obscene amount of money at the vet to get a full checkup done on Buddy.  I objected pretty strongly to some of it because I felt that a lot of the tests were unnecessary, but M believes that since Buddy is a rescue and therefore an unknown quantity, we should make sure we're not missing anything.  The major expense was x-rays, which we had done because we noticed that Buddy favours his rear left leg when he runs and isn't keen on going up and down stairs.  But he has no evidence of past damage or hip dysplasia, so we're poorer but not really any the wiser about what the problem is.  It didn't stop him from going bananas today and running around like crazy for an hour when we took him on his first doggy play date at a local off-leash park, so I guess we'll just wait and see.

We've also been having a bit of an issue with Buddy's digestive system.  I know it's probably just a result of the stress of him moving in here and adjusting to all the new routines and stuff, but it's stressed me out nonetheless.  The first few days he wasn't really eating much at all.  Then he started eating, but very pickily.  He would actually nose through his kibble, take the larger chunks out and drop them on the floor, and then nibble the smaller bits.  We started adding wet food to encourage him to eat a bit more, and that worked for a few days.  But then he started getting diarrhea (which is lovely to try to scoop off the sidewalk, by the way) so we went back to just dry.  Which he is now refusing to eat again.  I completely realize that he's just being picky (as his vet workup included stool and blood samples for worms, parasites, and everything else under the sun).  He's probably waiting for us to cave and give him people food, which he's not going to get.  But the amount of worry it's caused me have had me wondering if I'm really capable of ever being a parent at all.  If I get this stressed out as a dog mom, what the hell would a human baby do to me?  The first fever and I'd be a total wreck.  Perhaps this infertility thing is really for the best.

The grump-train was chugging along at full speed mid-week, when I ended up turning my ankle pretty badly while doing jump lunges in my last week of the 30-Day Shred.  I walked it off and finished the rest of the workout, but later on that evening it started swelling and throbbing like a son of a bitch.  Ice and copious amounts of Advil helped a little, but I slept terribly and was kicking myself for being such a moron since I was afraid it meant that I wouldn't get to finish the rest of the workout schedule.  Luckily a day off helped a lot and I was able to get back into things by the end of the week.  Today was Jillian Michaels' last day to kick my ass, and I'm not sorry to see her go.  All in all I had a love-hate relationship with the Shred.  I loved it when it was over, and hated it the rest of the time.  I'll just never be one of those people who talks about how much she loves a good hard workout!  I will do them, and I will appreciate that they are good for me, but I will never love them. 

That's it for my week.  Obviously, on top of being grumpy, I felt guilty for being grumpy because of the events in Boston.  I mean, how can I realistically be grumpy when me and all of my loved ones are safe and in one piece when there are so many people injured and grieving right now?  But there is no logic to the grump.  The grump just IS.  

Oh, and if it doesn't start getting spring-like around here soon, I'm gonna punch someone.