Saturday, 22 June 2013

When nothing goes right

It hasn't been a good day around these parts.

I got up this morning, nervous but excited about the Spartan Race.  The race was about a 2 hour drive away, so I figured on a quick walk for Buddy, breakfast for us, and then all of us hopping in the car to head to the big big race adventure.  Instead, we ended up taking Buddy to the vet, where he currently remains.

Earlier this week he had small bout of diarrhea, which is something we've come to expect from him now and again for no apparent reason.  It had cleared up by Wednesday, but I started to notice him eating less and less.  Again, not a huge surprise.  Although beagles are normally supposed to be voracious eaters, Buddy actually ignores his food all day while we're at work.  We've taken to leaving out some dry kibble during the day and feeding him a large meal of kibble mixed with wet food when we get home.  He usually eats it all up, but by Friday he was barely touching anything.  He was still eating treats, but I was starting to get worried.  Coupled with the fact that he seemed more lethargic (which I assumed was due to lack of food), I was really hoping that his stomach issue would clear up soon.

This morning, however, he was even more lethargic, and I was pretty positive that he felt warm and was running a fever.  Then I noticed this weird, mucous-y looking saliva that seemed to be coming out of one side of his mouth.  That did it for me.  We headed to the vet.  I resigned myself to bailing on yet another Spartan Race.

The vet quickly diagnosed Buddy as being dehydrated, and said that he wanted to keep him onsite for 24 hours as they rehydrated him through an IV and ran some tests.  We agreed, but ended up feeling miserable haggling with the vet over all the tests they wanted to run which would have cost us close to $2000.  Eventually we settled on what we wanted done and we left poor Buddy in the vet's care.

M encouraged me to go ahead and do the race anyway, since there was nothing I could do from home and I'd probably only sit there worrying.  I knew he was right, so I decided to go.  But it was with none of the excitement that I'd previously felt.  I made the drive alone, sad and worried.  I also ended up forgetting my flip flops (to replace my muddy sneakers after the race) as well as a plastic bag to put my muddy clothes in.  Eventually, M called and said that the vet had figured out that Buddy had a large cyst on a salivary gland under his tongue, which explained the fever and why he wasn't eating.  Cue relief...for about five seconds.  The recommended treatment is surgery to remove the entire gland.  Apparently aspirating the cyst isn't an option, as it's caused by the gland itself having ruptured.  So Buddy is booked in for surgery hopefully on Monday, and we still haven't received an estimate on how much that will cost.  Have I mentioned how much I absolutely hate having to do a financial analysis when it comes to medical treatment for a pet?  It's a horrendous feeling.  Obviously we want to do what we can for Buddy, who has very quickly become a part of our family.  But where do we draw the line?  We'd like to be able to pay for another IVF too.  Having to make these sorts of calculations kills me.

Anyway, I ran the race.  It went fine.  I did most of the obstacles, but couldn't manage a few due to lack of upper body strength.  When I'm feeling more upbeat I'll do a post about it, but for now I just feel beaten down.  I hate the idea that Buddy is drugged up on painkillers and lying all alone in a cage at the vet's.  I hate that he has to do that for at least another day until he can get the surgery done.  And I hate that I feel so out of control and overwhelmed about all of it.  I've been crying off and on since I got home, and keep thinking that clearly, the universe has it out for us.  We got a dog because we can't have kids, but it seems like we're not even allowed to enjoy that.  Why does everything have to be so hard?  Why can't something just go fucking right for a change?

Yeah, I know.  Count your blessings.  We could be living in Calgary and have our house under water right now.  One of our parents could be having surgery, not just our dog.  But shit.  This was supposed to be a nice weekend.  And now it's not.  And I'm allowed to be upset about that.

23 comments:

  1. Oh Aramis, This totally sucks and I wish I could give you a big hug! I am so sorry to hear about Buddy's condition. I'm only truly speculating, but I can't see removal of a salviary gland being that expensive. I know it sucks to have to negoatate, but I found with my cat's diabetes supplies, it pays to search around the internet. Good for you for finishing the race! I hope the metal was really cool!
    Enjoy a nice cold beer (or wine) tonight -you've earned it

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  2. Oh my goodness- I am so so so sorry for everything that happened today :(. I can't even imagine the worry and stress you must feel over your little love, Buddy... I'm praying that everything will work out- that Buddy will have surgery and get better (and that it won't cost you an arm and a leg)! Thinking of you!! xoxo

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  3. Ugh. This sucks. I'm sorry your weekend isn't going as planned, and yes, you have every right to be upset about it. I hope Buddy feels better soon!

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  4. Oh, poor Buddy! Having to spend all that money sucks, but thankfully it sounds like an easily treatable problem. You have every right to be upset. Our animals become part of our families. We got our dog a few years ago to help with the childless thing (and we just really wanted a dog) and we had so many problems with her at first (both health and behavioral) and she caused so much stress and it felt so unfair. I remember feeling just like you are. We just wanted something to be good and everything was going wrong. I hope Buddy is back to his normal doggy self in no time.
    Congrats on finishing the race!

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  5. Oh! I don't like hearing stories about puppies like that. I hope Buddy makes a full recovery. I'm sorry you had such crap things happen to you. Thinking about you... Dogs are our family.

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  6. :( So sorry about Buddy's condition. I hope that everything will work out in the end. Good job for going to the race and finishing!

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  7. Poor Buddy. When I'm at the vet I look at it as if I was paying out of pocket for MY own healthcare. If that were the case I'd want to understand the need and cost for every test before being performed (like IVF). I hope Buddy's surgery goes smoothly and he recovers quickly!

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  8. So sorry to hear about Buddy! That's awful that he has to go through surgery and the costs of all the tests. I felt the same thing when I brought my cat into the vet (as a grad student with very limited funds) and they were pushing thousands of dollars in treatments. He didn't need them and he's still with me 12 years later.

    Good for you though for doing the race in the face of all of that. Great accomplishment! Can't wait to hear about it and to hear that Buddy is on the mend.

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  9. I get it! It's so frustrating. I'm sorry about buddy and even more sorry about how much it costs. We experienced a very large vet bill when our 2 year old dog blew out BOTH her ACL's. queue $10,000 that we didn't want to spend but couldn't say no to an otherwise healthy pup whom was guaranteed to make a complete recovery. So we did. Ouch. Buddy was sent to you guys because not everyone would do this for their dog. Buddy is one lucky pup!

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  10. I can definitely say I know how you feel. Especially about the conflict between caring for your beloved pet and infertility treatment. I remember in January my dog Sprinkles had a massive infection in her intestines that caused a very high white count and enlarged lymphnodes. They tried to biopsy but couldn't tell if it was an infection or leukemia. We were tapped out after spending 30 grand 3 months before on a donor egg cycle. I realized that I had 2 grand to my name and if Sprinkles had cancer I was too broke to pay for it. I felt sick to know that my 2yo dog could die because I had spent all my money on fertility treatments. I was never so mad at infertility as I was that day. Luckily it was an infection and the vet bill came to exactly 2 grand. These little buggers can be expensive. I am sending all my positive vibes to Buddy for a swift recovery.

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  11. I am so sorry to hear about Buddy and hope his surgery is a success and doesn't set you guys back to far with finances. We ended up getting a CareCredit card for our pets at the vet. The treatment is so expensive. I hope the weeks leading will be so much better for you and your family.

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  12. This sucks. I am sorry. You are allowed to feel bad for yourself!

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  13. You are definitely allowed to feel sad! We are only human! When I first got back from Mozambique, I remember feeling guilty EVERY TIME I complained about something in my life, because my issues pale in comparison to everything I was used to seeing in MZ. Then I realized that I am only human and I am allowed to feel sorry for myself from time to time and I shouldn't beat myself about it.

    I am so sorry to hear about Buddy and I definitely hear you on the cost thing. I hate that we have to think about these things things but it is reality. I am sending you a big hug! xo

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  14. You certainly are allowed to be upset about that. I'm so sorry for the difficult time you're having with buddy. It breaks my heart to read this because our dog is like our child. I can only imagine how hard this must be. It's so hard to come to grips with that fact that if we didn't have to pay for IF treatments, these types of conversations about finances wouldn't be as tough. Hugs to you my friend. Hope buddy's surgery goes well. How old buddy?

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  15. Well this just sucks. I hope Buddy gets better and I hope you feel better soon. I just want to say that I am proud of you for going to the race. Shows what a fighter you are. You're awesome.

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  16. I'm sorry you had such a rough day. Hoping buddy is better soon.
    But congrats on finishing that race!

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  17. Oh, Aramis, I'm so sorry to hear about all this... what a mess. And I think you're totally justified in saying a huge WTF to the universe right now. I'm sure this'll sound weird, but it kind of warmed my heart that you were so upset and worried about this puppy that's been in your lives for such a short (but meaningful) period of time. In a way, it just feels like a precursor, or some sort of training, for what you're going to deal with when you have a child -- there will be very similar moments of panic and probably a few hospital visits and feeling helpless, etc. All of it sucks balls, but you know what? You spent this weekend saving your dog's life AND ran a race. That's pretty damn impressive.

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  18. I'm so sorry about Buddy. It really sucks when our furkids aren't well. Well done on finishing the race though.

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  19. That really is a tough decision. We're facing some of that too at the moment. Time limit on IVF cycle but our dog needs updated shots, and all our pets need more aggressive flea treatment, but every single penny we have it going into IVF savings. The guilt is ridiculous. I am sorry you're dealing with it too.

    Well done on completing a Spartan race! I am too scared to sign up, so the fact that you did AND completed one is so inspiring to me!

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  20. I am so sorry that this is happening. I can relate to your statements. You have every right to be upset. i know it feels like for us that nothing goes right or smooth. the other day i said that same thing to my husband. yes it was something minor but i still felt that way. i think you often and i hope that the universe sends some peace your way. i hope buddy is ok.

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  21. I hope Buddy has a safe and inexpensive surgery today. We have spent $8K on our older dog's two surgeries in the past 6 months so I know about the guilt in looking at finances.

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  22. Oh no! I'm so sorry! (And I'm sorry I missed this post until now...stupid WordPress!)

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  23. Oh no. What a horrendous day. I'm sorry the enjoyment of the Spartan race was sucked away from you. Congrats on finishing the race, despite it being such a crappy day. You deserve kudos for that! You also deserve so so much more. While it may seem like the universe is conspiring against you, I can't help but think that you and your husband have been the perfect match for Buddy. He really needed somebody to love him and give him a home, and stick it out despite his issues. Anyone else might have bailed on him by now. Regardless of tough decisions that may come up in paying for his care, I trust you will do nothing less than love him regardless of what those decisions turn out to be. Hugs my friend.

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!