When nothing goes right

It hasn't been a good day around these parts.

I got up this morning, nervous but excited about the Spartan Race.  The race was about a 2 hour drive away, so I figured on a quick walk for Buddy, breakfast for us, and then all of us hopping in the car to head to the big big race adventure.  Instead, we ended up taking Buddy to the vet, where he currently remains.

Earlier this week he had small bout of diarrhea, which is something we've come to expect from him now and again for no apparent reason.  It had cleared up by Wednesday, but I started to notice him eating less and less.  Again, not a huge surprise.  Although beagles are normally supposed to be voracious eaters, Buddy actually ignores his food all day while we're at work.  We've taken to leaving out some dry kibble during the day and feeding him a large meal of kibble mixed with wet food when we get home.  He usually eats it all up, but by Friday he was barely touching anything.  He was still eating treats, but I was starting to get worried.  Coupled with the fact that he seemed more lethargic (which I assumed was due to lack of food), I was really hoping that his stomach issue would clear up soon.

This morning, however, he was even more lethargic, and I was pretty positive that he felt warm and was running a fever.  Then I noticed this weird, mucous-y looking saliva that seemed to be coming out of one side of his mouth.  That did it for me.  We headed to the vet.  I resigned myself to bailing on yet another Spartan Race.

The vet quickly diagnosed Buddy as being dehydrated, and said that he wanted to keep him onsite for 24 hours as they rehydrated him through an IV and ran some tests.  We agreed, but ended up feeling miserable haggling with the vet over all the tests they wanted to run which would have cost us close to $2000.  Eventually we settled on what we wanted done and we left poor Buddy in the vet's care.

M encouraged me to go ahead and do the race anyway, since there was nothing I could do from home and I'd probably only sit there worrying.  I knew he was right, so I decided to go.  But it was with none of the excitement that I'd previously felt.  I made the drive alone, sad and worried.  I also ended up forgetting my flip flops (to replace my muddy sneakers after the race) as well as a plastic bag to put my muddy clothes in.  Eventually, M called and said that the vet had figured out that Buddy had a large cyst on a salivary gland under his tongue, which explained the fever and why he wasn't eating.  Cue relief...for about five seconds.  The recommended treatment is surgery to remove the entire gland.  Apparently aspirating the cyst isn't an option, as it's caused by the gland itself having ruptured.  So Buddy is booked in for surgery hopefully on Monday, and we still haven't received an estimate on how much that will cost.  Have I mentioned how much I absolutely hate having to do a financial analysis when it comes to medical treatment for a pet?  It's a horrendous feeling.  Obviously we want to do what we can for Buddy, who has very quickly become a part of our family.  But where do we draw the line?  We'd like to be able to pay for another IVF too.  Having to make these sorts of calculations kills me.

Anyway, I ran the race.  It went fine.  I did most of the obstacles, but couldn't manage a few due to lack of upper body strength.  When I'm feeling more upbeat I'll do a post about it, but for now I just feel beaten down.  I hate the idea that Buddy is drugged up on painkillers and lying all alone in a cage at the vet's.  I hate that he has to do that for at least another day until he can get the surgery done.  And I hate that I feel so out of control and overwhelmed about all of it.  I've been crying off and on since I got home, and keep thinking that clearly, the universe has it out for us.  We got a dog because we can't have kids, but it seems like we're not even allowed to enjoy that.  Why does everything have to be so hard?  Why can't something just go fucking right for a change?

Yeah, I know.  Count your blessings.  We could be living in Calgary and have our house under water right now.  One of our parents could be having surgery, not just our dog.  But shit.  This was supposed to be a nice weekend.  And now it's not.  And I'm allowed to be upset about that.