Sunday, 14 July 2013

Better

For the past couple of weeks, it's felt like almost every time I opened up my blog reader there was more bad news.  Another disappointing retrieval, another failed cycle.  Another miscarriage.

In the infertility blogosphere, sometimes it feels like everyone in the world is getting pregnant except for you.  And as much as you're happy to see your blog friends achieve success, you feel unbearably sad that you're being left behind.  It's not a good feeling.  While I've certainly never cheered someone's failure, I will admit to some horrible uncharitable feelings of "well, at least it's not only me who still isn't pregnant" in some of my darker moments. 

But I've come to realize that it's equally bad when it seems like no one is making their way out of here.  Even though those feelings of jealously inevitably arise when another infertile gets pregnant, with it comes a sliver of hope.  A "that could be me" moment.  A boost of morale in this unending war against infertility.  After all, if no one ever manages to make it to safety after crawling out of the trenches, how long before we all give up fighting?

I'm not usually one for pithy sayings or inspirational quotes.  I'm far too snarky and sarcastic for that.  But a while ago I came across a song whose lyrics resonated with me.  Right now, this excerpt feels pretty damn appropriate:

You got disaster to the left
And devastation to the right
A catastrophe in front of you
And a fiasco in behind

But if you wanna keep the peace
Sometimes you have to go to war
So hup! Two! Three!
It ain't worth nothing if it ain't worth fighting for


I have to believe that this song is right, and that it will get better.  For all of us.  "Better" may not necessarily mean what we first think it will mean.  Some of us will suffer quite a few wounds before finally hauling ourselves out of these trenches.  Some of us will retreat, nursing scars and regrets, or will go on to fight in other ways.  But the war will end for all of us eventually, and I can only hope that we will all find our own forms of peace.

If you're one of the people who are wounded right now, know that we're all standing here with you.  You are not alone.  If your tour of duty is up and it's time for you to go, we understand.  It takes a special kind of strength and courage to do so, and we salute you for it.  Otherwise, get up.  Take a breather if you need it, but then you get your ass back in this fight.  Like the song says, it ain't worth nothing if it ain't worth fighting for.

15 comments:

  1. I sometimes share inspirational things on FB or Instagram tha have helped me feel less sad or given me hope. And then my inner monologue is all, "Yo! Lo! You're way too snarky for this shit." But even snarkiest of the snarkies needs a little uplifting words from time to time. I like the lyrics you shared. I think I may even tattoo them on my inner thigh. Trust me. There's enough room for all the letters. ;)

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    1. haha you seriously cracked me up big time about the tattoo on your thigh.

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  2. Thanks for the post... After a day of "should I just give up?" thoughts, this is just what I needed :)

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  3. I'm with Aubrey. I love this and I needed this. I especially love the quote at the end :)

    It is so wonderful to know that we have each other in all of this heartache.

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  4. I for one am never giving up. We're getting the hell out of here. Because it IS worth fight for.

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  5. It's weird when the community goes through ups and downs in waves (although I know one person's up can trigger another's down). I hope we're all on the verge of another upswing. Keep fighting.

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  6. thanks for the rally cry! I agree with Daryl -we're overdue for some good news!

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  7. Yup we all need a push when we fall. Thanks for the push! You're so honest with your feelings about other infertile bloggers who have gotten pregnant. I sometimes feel the same way but don't know how to put it into words. Don't we all need some good news in this journey.

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  8. The past week has been a hard one. I've been watching many in the trenches suffer from setbacks, failed cycles and miscarriages. It's been hard to watch as I remember all too well how difficult each of those events were for me. But I think you're absolutely right about it one day getting better. Even if it doesn't seem like it right now. One day everyone here will be given the opportunity to resolve and move beyond this experience. To embrace all they've learned about themselves and the world along the way.

    So, in the meantime, rest when you can. But also remember that this is not a fight you are going through alone. So many are supporting you and will be the rock you need to weather the storm.

    Love and light, lady.

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  9. Just what I needed...love the lyrics. Lets keep fighting!

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  10. In the past week I learned that two of my fellow infertility buddies were pregnant. And it made me... sad?!? Frustrated? Kinda sorta happy? You're so spot on in identifying these conflicting feelings. You always wish it was you and I gotta believe, someday it will be you/me/us.
    And I love the lyrics. Thanks!

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  11. It has been a tough time for a lot of the readers in our circles. Its weird how that happens and teh emotions are so mixed. I ahte when "everyone" is getting pregnant but me, but I also hate that no one I read is getting pregnant right now! Time for some good news! Thanks for being here!

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  12. Perfect rallying cry! And yes, there has been WAY too much bad news in the blogosphere lately. What's weird is that I'm pretty sure it was the same last summer... BFP waves tend to happen in the winter or spring, I find. Or maybe I'm making that up. Still... I have a conspiracy theory about fertility and hot weather.

    Anyway, hopefully one person out there will finally get some good news, and it will start a ripple effect.

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  13. Personally, I always have loved reading the positive pregnancy and success stories because it gave me hope. I have a hard time reading about other's miscarriages and loss, especially now because it just scares the crap out of me. I am here to cheer everyone on throughout their successes, and along the way as well. I really, really hope that one day that will be for you. Keep fighting Aramis. I can't wait for your day to come!!!

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!