Happiest Canada Day ever

No, I'm not pregnant.  

Yesterday marked the start of a two-week vacation for M and I, and we flew east to spend it with my family.  I haven't been home in two years.  While my folks have come up to Toronto for the scattered visit, my sister and her family haven't, and although we Skype almost every weekend, it's just not the same.  Yesterday I got to play with my niece in person for the first time since she was two years old, and it was awesome!

It's one of those weird things that I can't explain about infertility.  Being around other people's kids isn't generally fun for me.  I manage as best I can, but I find it hard not to let it bother me that everyone else is making these happy perfect families and M and I are getting left behind.  I see the joy that my friends take in their kids, and it hurts me that I can't do the same with my own children.  But for some reason, none of that is present when I'm with my niece.

Maybe it's because when I'm with her, I'm not just "friend of parent who is obliged to find said child cute and wonderful".  I have a job for a change, a role to play.  I'm an aunt.  And my niece IS cute and wonderful, dammit.  I don't have to put in any work to see that.  Obviously, I'm totally biased, but I'm allowed to be.  She's my blood.  At this rate she may be the closest I ever get to being a mom.  So I'm damn well gonna make sure that when I'm with her that it's the best time of her life.

When she arrived yesterday at my folks' house, there was a short moment of shyness.  Even though she sees M and I every week on the computer, I'm sure it was a bit weird to see us in person for a change.  But that only lasted a second, and pretty soon I was chasing her around the backyard and jumping in her kiddie pool with her.  I can't even explain how happy I was when this little four-year-old girl asked if I would sit next to her at dinner, or if I would hold her hand as we played hide and seek with "Uncle M".  I also think she has a bit of a crush on M, since at one point she leaned over and conspiratorially whispered to me that she wanted to go over and give him a hug and a kiss.  Watching M play with her also shows me (not that I ever had any doubt) what a great dad he would make, but not in a melancholy way.

We have ten days here, and I'm planning to make the most of them.  We're going to do some touristy/sightseeing things for M's benefit, and we'll have dinner with some of my high school friends and visit with cousins.  We'll also be spending the weekend at my parents' cottage and drinking more beer than is probably good for us, 'cause that's just how we roll.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have a very important date.  Apparently my niece declared to my sister this morning that she didn't want to go to day care, but that she would go until lunchtime but them her mom and Auntie Aramis had to come pick her up.  It's nice to be in such high demand!