Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Happiest Canada Day ever

No, I'm not pregnant.  

Yesterday marked the start of a two-week vacation for M and I, and we flew east to spend it with my family.  I haven't been home in two years.  While my folks have come up to Toronto for the scattered visit, my sister and her family haven't, and although we Skype almost every weekend, it's just not the same.  Yesterday I got to play with my niece in person for the first time since she was two years old, and it was awesome!

It's one of those weird things that I can't explain about infertility.  Being around other people's kids isn't generally fun for me.  I manage as best I can, but I find it hard not to let it bother me that everyone else is making these happy perfect families and M and I are getting left behind.  I see the joy that my friends take in their kids, and it hurts me that I can't do the same with my own children.  But for some reason, none of that is present when I'm with my niece.

Maybe it's because when I'm with her, I'm not just "friend of parent who is obliged to find said child cute and wonderful".  I have a job for a change, a role to play.  I'm an aunt.  And my niece IS cute and wonderful, dammit.  I don't have to put in any work to see that.  Obviously, I'm totally biased, but I'm allowed to be.  She's my blood.  At this rate she may be the closest I ever get to being a mom.  So I'm damn well gonna make sure that when I'm with her that it's the best time of her life.

When she arrived yesterday at my folks' house, there was a short moment of shyness.  Even though she sees M and I every week on the computer, I'm sure it was a bit weird to see us in person for a change.  But that only lasted a second, and pretty soon I was chasing her around the backyard and jumping in her kiddie pool with her.  I can't even explain how happy I was when this little four-year-old girl asked if I would sit next to her at dinner, or if I would hold her hand as we played hide and seek with "Uncle M".  I also think she has a bit of a crush on M, since at one point she leaned over and conspiratorially whispered to me that she wanted to go over and give him a hug and a kiss.  Watching M play with her also shows me (not that I ever had any doubt) what a great dad he would make, but not in a melancholy way.

We have ten days here, and I'm planning to make the most of them.  We're going to do some touristy/sightseeing things for M's benefit, and we'll have dinner with some of my high school friends and visit with cousins.  We'll also be spending the weekend at my parents' cottage and drinking more beer than is probably good for us, 'cause that's just how we roll.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have a very important date.  Apparently my niece declared to my sister this morning that she didn't want to go to day care, but that she would go until lunchtime but them her mom and Auntie Aramis had to come pick her up.  It's nice to be in such high demand!

20 comments:

  1. Such a sweet post -it truly warmed my heart! Hope you have a great time with your family!

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  2. Enjoy your vacation and your time with the fam!! I totally agree with you, being around others' children is SO hard, but it is different when it's your nieces/nephews.... Being an aunt is so great :). xoxoxo

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  3. I'm the same way - my nieces and nephews don't make me nearly as jealous as stranger's babies. I think it's just because love outweighs jealousy? I'm happy to hear you get to see your family for the week. Have fun on your important date!

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  4. This post made me smile.

    I have a similar response toy niece and nephews. With friends, there's more of an expectation that you watch the family interact but you yourself don't engage the kids, but with family it's different as you fulfill a role. I can't really explain it, but I get where you're coming from.

    Hope the rest of the time with your niece is wonderful!

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  5. Happy belated Canada Day! I'm so glad you have this time to spend with your niece. I know you'll enjoy and savour every moment. :)

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  6. I feel the same way about my nephews and I take my job as an Auntie very seriously. I love it when they squeel and shout "Auntie Pom Pom is here" when I come over. Being an anutie is the next best thing to being a mom, and sometimes its actually way better

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  7. So nice to be able to enjoy your niece's company. It sounds like you are really enjoying being with her and that's so nice.

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  8. I completely agree. I LOVE kids of close friends or my niece/nephew want to sit next to me or do something with me. It's adorable.

    Have fun on your date!

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  9. Ohhhh your niece sounds so sweet. I'm glad you get to spend time with her. One of my favorite people on Earth is my Aunt. The Aunt/niece dynamic is special. Enjoy and don't forget to do some Turbo Fire. LOL!

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  10. awww glad to hear you are having a nice trip back home. I can't wait to go home in August and see my little niece!! Happy Canada day to you and soak up that East Coast Vibe :)

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  11. Awww... sweet kid! Things they do melt your heart. I hope you thoroughly enjoy your vacation with your folks. :)

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  12. Your niece sounds like a sweetheart! I also love to see my husband interacting with his nephews. It just makes my heart melt to see what a great dad he's going to be. I'm glad you two are having such a great time!

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  13. I love the east coast! I spent a decade living between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick and working day trips in PEI. So jealous that you are there! Have a great time. I also feel a special love for my nephews that does not extend to the children of any other people. Enjoy your time with her.

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  14. That sounds awesome! None of my siblings (all younger) have kids yet so I cannot quite relate, but it sounds like this is a wonderful relationship for you. Enjoy the time with your niece, and your whole family!

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  15. Have a great time with your family! Glad you are having fun and enjoying time with your niece. There is something about a 4 year old wanting you to sit next to her and do things with her that make you feel special.

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  16. Hi I really like your blog especially coz I'm also on the same boat with you. DOR with high FSH at 27 yrs. Waiting for first IVF in August after 4 failed IUIs. Meanwhile I try to distract myself in whatever way I can. Hope we'll survive the journey of IF soon.

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  17. Glad to hear that your had a good Canada Day and enjoyed being with your niece! Little kids can be so entertaining!
    Looking forward to following the quest of another DOR-Iffer

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  18. Have fun with your family! It's weird but I feel the same way with my niece and nephew.

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  19. Being an Auntie is definitely something special. My nieces and nephews mean the world to my husband and me! I'm so glad you had this time with your family. Hope the rest of your vacation was just as awesome.

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!