Monday, 21 October 2013

Babies, babies everywhere!

I swear to God, I had intended to come here today and post something more positive than my last couple of posts have been.  I was going to answer some questions from the Sunshine Award nominations that I got from the lovely Daryl and Amber.  I was gonna be funny and witty and prove that I actually deserve the Sunshine Award instead of just being a sad, depressed grump.

But that will have to wait for another day.  Because it's one of those days when I just can't handle the babies.

It was a tough weekend around here.  I have no idea if it's the Lupron talking, but the number of tears that I shed for that damn little birdie was unreal.  I still haven't quite snapped out of the shock and horribleness of it all, and the feeling stuck with me today as I headed in to the office.  So I was in a bad mood to start with.

Today also marked the return of my co-worker Liam, whose wife gave birth a few weeks ago.  We'd all gotten a text from our boss saying that she'd delivered and that everyone was fine, but that was apparently glossing over a lot.  Turns out that there had actually been quite a bit of drama, beginning with Liam's wife waking to blood everywhere just shy of 38 weeks.  A frantic drive to the hospital revealed that she was having a placental abruption (a dangerous complication where the placenta separates from the uterus) and needed an emergency C-section.  They didn't even have time to give her an epidural, they just gassed her and delivered the baby.  All while Liam was standing outside in the hallway in his scrubs, waiting to be brought in as dozens of blood-spattered medical personnel ran in and out of the operating room past him.  At one point he thought he might lose both his baby and his wife, since she was losing a lot of blood and the baby had to be rushed off to the NICU.  Fortunately for all involved, things ended well and mom and little Jude are doing just fine.  But I could see Liam's eyes well up as he told the story, and see the immense love that he already had for his new little boy.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm in no way trying to minimize what he and his wife went through and I'd never ask for a pregnancy that turned out that way.  But knowing that everyone was fine, I couldn't help thinking as he told us the tale that it all worked out for you in the end.  You got your baby.  Lots of us don't.  How screwed up is that?

So after a long gloomy day, I headed home.  Only to be greeted by every infertile's favourite social media kick in the ass: a pregnancy announcement via ultrasound photo on Facebook.  And this wasn't just any Facebook friend.  It was my old high school friend Calla.

Now, about Calla.  We'd been friends since grade school, and were part of a small group of girls that remained tight even after graduating university and moving on to our grown-up lives.  She was fun but flighty; you could never count on her to be on time and if she had a problem with you she'd complain behind your back but never just come out and talk to you about it.  We started drifting when I went away to law school and never really reconnected once I came home.  She'd started dating the guy who she'd later marry and though we hung out once in a while, she spent most of her time with a new group of friends she'd met through work.

Then I moved to Ontario to take my current job.  We said we'd stay in touch, but of course we didn't.  So when I got an invitation to her wedding (scheduled to take place only about 6 months after I'd spent a ton of money moving halfway across the country) I figured she'd understand when I told her that I couldn't make it for financial reasons.  I sent a card and a gift, but apparently that wasn't enough.  She was incredibly offended that I didn't come, but of course she's never said any of this to my face.  I've just heard about it from our mutual friends that she bitched to about me.  And she's never really forgiven me.  Any time I go home for a visit I try to schedule time to see her, but she's always incredibly busy and instead of cancelling existing plans with people who she sees all the time, she invites me to come to parties with people I don't know instead.  Then, when I invited her to my wedding, she didn't even bother to send back the reply card until a few weeks after the RSVP date.  My mom invited her to a wedding shower that I made a special trip home for, but Calla couldn't be fussed to tell us she wasn't coming until 20 minutes beforehand via a Facebook message.  And to top it all off, no card and no wedding gift (note: it's the thought here, not the stuff, that bothers me).  At one point I got another half-hearted Facebook message from her saying that she hadn't forgotten and she had a card for me but couldn't send it due to the Canada Post strike.  Which was taking place a good two months after the wedding and was resolved within a few weeks.  But the card never came.  I found out afterwards that she was somehow not only angry with me for not going to her wedding 7 DAMN YEARS AGO, but she was also upset that I'd chosen blue for my bridesmaids' dresses, which was the same colour another (closer) friend had also chosen for her bridesmaids.  The group of girls we hung around with all had a giant WTF for that one.  It was at that point I gave up caring.

So now when I go home, I no longer call Calla.  It isn't worth my energy.  I still have her on Facebook, though.  And today, I fucking regretted it.  Because of course, of course she would be the type of person to announce a pregnancy with a goddamn ultrasound photo.  My iPhone has never come so close to being hurled across the room. 

The funny thing is, I actually wondered for a long time if Calla was infertile.  She's 37, like me, and therefore no spring chicken.  And she comes from a huge family, with a bunch of brothers and sisters who've all had a ton of kids.  I started to wonder if there was another reason she hadn't.  But of course, as we all know, no infertile would ever make a pregnancy announcement the way she did today.  Not in a million years.

OK, that's it.  I'm done.  No more bitching.  Next post will be entertaining and/or funny and/or witty.  I promise.  In the meantime, here's a bunny that kind of feels like I do right now.

Disapproving bunny disapproves.

20 comments:

  1. I feel like I've been a giant ball of negativity lately too, when all I wanna do is respond to sunshine awards. We have that in common!

    Calla sounds like a real piece of work (ahem, b word). And I think the same thing when people have traumatic deliveries that turn out OK in the end. Yeah. yeah... but now you have a baby. So shut up.

    (Am I bitter?....)

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  2. No way was Calla infertile.... No way. :(. Hoping tomorrow is a better day my friend! XOXO

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  3. Oh Aramis, you are allowed to vent and I'm glad you did. Even with this post, you can't help but make me laugh (the bunny). I agree, Calla sounds like a real piece of work. So you couldn't spend a ton of money to travel to her wedding. Big deal, that mos normal people would understand and you DID send a wedding gift. She got mad at your chosen wedding colors? Omgosh. The horror!!!! I can't imagine the traumatic delivery of your co-workers baby. You are right though, it did all turn out okay in the end. Crazy that your boss glossed over it so much. I'm hoping that you get to share your own announcement soon. I really, really hope that it happens for you.

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  4. The bunny was definitely appropriate here. Calla sucks. I say you delete her from Facebook straight away and try not to let met ruin anymore of your day. I'm sorry tire having a rough one. Hugs!

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  5. Did you unfriend Calla? No way someone so crass & petty could possibly be infertile...those are the people breeding the future generation.

    --Ellen

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  6. Stupid Calla. Stupid, dumb Calla. I'd cut her loose. Or at least block her. I dropped several friends this last year. Totally made my life sooooo less complicated.

    And I am sorry about your birdie. It's ok to be sad. Do sunshine another day.

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  7. I could really relate to this post. When I first spoke with Myrtle and she gave me the details of little Myrtle's birth, all I could think was "could this be any more fucking perfect for her?" Not only did she conceive by looking at her husband, she had the easiest pregnancy, she looked fantastic even though she went WAY over the alloted weight gain and now she had a natural childbirth in less than 12 hours of labour on her FUCKING due date. She started to complain how she had to have an episiotomy even though she told the doctor "she didn't want one" You know like it's asking them to hold the pickles at the deli. I was about to rip into her, "you had the textbook delivery most women dream about, especially this infertile one and you're whining that they cut your vag? which will heal in two weeks even if you repaired it with scotch tape!" The only thing that stopped me was that little Myrtle was in the NBICU, which I initiallly thought was just a precautionary thing, but when she was still in there the next day, I knew things were serious. I hated myself for every petty, jealous thought I had in my head. Yes, I was frustrated that everything was so easy for Myrtle, but I never wished any hardship on her. I can't imagine how agnoising those hours were for them, but little Myrtle was doing well after 48 hours and she was home by the end of the week. Everything worked out in the end. As little Myrtle continued to thrive, my jealousy and pettiness crept back in. I don't want to play the "who went through more hell" game, but it was 48 hrs versus two years and still no second blue line in sight. Everything worked out in the end... It's not screwed up. I totally get it.
    But speaking of jealous petty people... the ones like Calla really suck!

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  8. You chose the wrong color for your bridesmaids? Really, how terrible of you. Sigh. I'd stop calling her, too, though I'm oddly reluctant to delete people on facebook. I just haven't logged on in a while, to avoid having to see pregnancy announcements...

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  9. Time to get rid of the excess baggage my friend. It is so hard sometimes but I feel like a quick delete on Facebook would be quite cleansing. Love the bunny! That is how Lupron is making me feel at the moment.. ha

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  10. Oh goodness, this made me laugh! Even though I know it's not funny, you have a way with words. Screw Calla! I don't know if she struggled getting pregnant or not. The jury could still be out on that one. But if she starts complaining on Facebook about being sick, tired, fat, etc then you will know for sure! And that is when I suggest to de-friend! I have had to de-friend a ton of people for that reason. It sucks. I really try to avoid Facebook all together. A girl that already has one child announced her surprise ultrasound a month ago. Two babies. Of course I put myself through the torture of reading all the comments. Really I was just searching for any complaining comments. Like I was really on a mission so that I could write something back, not! But luckily it was all happy and excited remarks. She did say that she told her husband he was an over achiever. I thought about writing "No you are the over achiever. Babies are in two sacs, you released two eggs. Aren't you a nurse?" But I didn't. She now has a twin board on Pinterest, I think I will have to block that. I hope your week gets better! I had a horrible one last week. That's the thing with being infertile you never know how your day is going to be when you wake up. HUGS!

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  11. UGH! What a day!! I hope Tuesday treats you much, much better. Thinking of you!

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  12. You have had the worst week! I'm sorry. OK, Calla sounds like a nightmare; this sounds like the fights I would get into with my college group of friends 15 years ago (and even then I thought we were ridiculous) but a 37 year old holding a grudge over the color of your bridesmaids' dresses? It's funny/sad that someone can be so petty. I love my friends, but sometimes group dynamics can be weird--maybe one day I'll share the dynamics of our little college group.That's horrible and scary about Liam's wife and child. I'm glad they're OK, but childbirth can be dangerous. I work in international development and I'm used to hearing these kinds of stories in the developing world, it's always shocking when I hear them taking place in the developed world. Looking forward to your upcoming funny/entertaining/upbeat post.

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  13. Really, choosing blue for your bridesmaids??! How dare you!
    I'm sorry about all the babies popping up. Calla surely doesn't sound like she deserves one. I've had friends similar to her-- we barely keep in touch anymore.
    I wonder what someone did to piss that poor bunny off??

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  14. Calla sounds like a friend that you should stay far, far away from!! Seriously, it is definitely time to hide or de-friend her!

    Feel free to vent pretty lady....this is your blog and not everything is rainbows and sunshine. :-)

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  15. Bitching is fine. There are some things in life that would just be better for us if we talk about it vs. having it all in our hearts. It's the right time to block Calla from your life. She sounds like a toxic person and you don't need her updates in your life. Sorry that this week has not been good. Hoping for a better week for you.

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  16. sorry. I agree with Isabelle, toxic friends are not worth keeping around. hugs

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  17. How dare you choose the same color for your bridesmaids!!! The horror! Seriously, I hope you de-friended her. She isn't worth it. And you most definitely do not want to see her pregnancy updates for the next 6 months.
    Sorry you are having such a craptastic week.

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  18. I can't even believe the week you've been having. Hugs. Just hugs.

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  19. Oh man...I'm so sorry for the week you've had so far. You have every right to vent about it. Don't even worry about trying to be upbeat. We understand.

    If you haven't already dumped Calla from Facebook, do it. Do it now! She's caused you more than enough grief with her childish self-absorption. Don't put yourself through more torture by having to follow this narcissist through her pregnancy.

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!