Saturday, 19 October 2013

Fatal mistake

I screwed up.  Big time.

This morning we said goodbye to Leon, our cockatiel.  Last night I opened up his cage after dinner to give him a bit of freedom.  Instead of flying over to join us in the living room as he usually does, he stayed over on top of his cage and hence, when we went to go to bed, I forgot that he was out and I didn't put him back inside.  It's happened before.  He usually just goes back into the cage on his own and goes to sleep.

For some reason, around 6am this morning while we were still in bed he flew into the living room.  Buddy must have heard something, and roused himself from his dog bed in our room to go downstairs to investigate.  You can see where this is heading.  We heard flapping, some bird squawks, and Buddy's claws scrabbling on the hardwood.  By the time I woke up, realized what was going on and ran downstairs it was too late.

I'm not mad at Buddy.  He's never gone after the bird before and I know what happened was a combination of it being dark and there being something moving around on the floor that he didn't expect.  He was just being a dog, and I can't blame him.  But I can blame myself, which is what I've been doing all morning.  I feel horrible.  It's all my fault.  I've spent the last three hours crying.  I know when I posted about Leon back in March I made him sound pretty heinous.  But there was good stuff too.  And no matter what, he didn't deserve this.  He was our pet and he deserved a lot better.

M says he doesn't blame me, that he could have put Leon back in the cage too, and he didn't.  True.  But I'm the one who let him out to start with.  It's somehow easier to take it all on myself than chalk it up to a series of stupid little events that led to an accident.

If only he'd stayed in / on top of his cage this morning.
If only Buddy had stayed upstairs in his dog bed.

If only I'd put him back in the damn cage in the first place.

19 comments:

  1. Oh aramis I am really sorry! Try not to be too hard in yourself! If you see that you shouldn't blame buddy then try to see that you shouldn't blame yourself either

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  2. Oh Aramis, I am so sorry for your loss. I know he was a part of your family. It's shitty to chalk it up to 'these things can happen' but as you said, he would go into his cage on his own. It was just a case of him and Buddy being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I know he meant a lot to M, so please give him my regards as well.

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  3. So sorry Aramis. I'm so sorry that happened. It does seem to be a series of unfortunate events. I agree with Kimberly....please try not to be too hard on yourself.

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  4. Oh no! I'm so sorry. I can totally relate. In college, my lab got my sweet bunny shadow because I didn't her back in her cage. But dogs are just being dogs and its not their fault. :(

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  5. Oh no! I'm so sorry that this happened to your little bird. Please don't beat up on yourself too much. Sometimes we make mistakes, especially when there's a lot on your mind. But I am very sorry for the loss of your pet and feathery family member.

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  6. Sorry to hear about your bird. I've made some pretty stupid mistakes with my own cockatiel, Manny (not saying that yours was a stupid mistake). One time I took his cage outside so he could get some sun, and a red-tailed hawk swooped down & stood on top of the cage for several minutes while Manny screamed bloody murder. I was cooking lunch & thinking that he was acting like an attention whore again, until I looked out the window & nearly had a heart attack. I cringe when I think of this negligent incident, and how hard I'm trying to be a mom now.

    --Ellen

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    1. We used to take Leon's cage out on the back deck in the summer. I think he liked it, except for freaking out whenever he heard a crow. I had the same thought about trying to be a mom, as in "I can't even take care of a little bird, do I deserve a child?"

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  7. Try to not beat yourself up too much. I know that you are a caring pet owner and that what happened was just a horrible accident that could happen to anyone.Plus you have a lot on your mind right now... hugs to you

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  8. Oh Aramis, I am so so so sorry to heard about your sweet cockatiel. I agree with Kimberly, try not to be so hard on yourself. You're right, this isn't Buddy's fault, but it's also not your fault either - you certainly didn't intend for this to happen. I'm thinking of you! xoxo

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  9. Oh, I'm so sorry about Leon. But it's nobody's fault, just a tragic accident. I hope you'll go easy on yourself. Hugs.

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  10. Oh no! I'm so sorry :( that is so hard. I love that you don't blame Buddy, but as Kimberly said, you shouldn't blame yourself either. It is one of those unfortunate incidences. I'm so sorry for your loss though.

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  11. How horrible! I agree with everyone else - don't be too hard on yourself. I know it's easier said than done. I'm so sorry.

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  12. :( That was such an unfortunate event. So sorry. :(

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  13. I'm so sorry! Don't be too hard on yourself. M is right - either of you could have put him back. It's always sad to lose a pet.

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  14. Oh no! I'm so sorry! Please try not to beat yourself up about this though.

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  15. Ughhhhhh that really sucks, but it could have happened to anyone. I'm so sorry to hear about Leon. May he rest in peace.

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  16. Oh, I'm sorry, that's terrible. I'm such an animal lover that I would also be distraught. However, as others have said, don't blame yourself too much.

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