Thursday, 17 October 2013

One more reason

This past weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving.  We packed Buddy into the car (no explosive diarrhea this time!) and drove to M's parents' place on Sunday for turkey dinner, and then spent the night so we wouldn't have to deal with holiday traffic until the next day.

Over pancakes on Monday morning, M's mom told us that she had been diagnosed with early stage breast cancer and would be having a lumpectomy later on this week, followed by a course of radiation treatment.  She seems to be of the same school of thought as my own mother when it comes to health information, which is basically that unless someone is going under the knife, you don't need to worry about it and I won't tell you.

I always feel bad for people who don't get along with their parents-in-law.  I've certainly had boyfriends in the past whose parents weren't people I wanted to spend a great deal of time with, but when it came to picking a husband I got lucky.  His family is so similar to mine and his parents are such great people that I felt instantly comfortable with them, and it's only gotten better as time goes on.  Also, even though they live in different provinces, my mom and M's mom have become really chummy during their few visits together.  It's to the point now that they call and email each other regularly without M or I as intermediaries, and I'll sometimes find out about something going on in my family from M's mom, who has talked to my mom before I had a chance to.  It's really cute.

I sometimes feel guilty about spending more time with M's mom than I do my own.  But my mother-in-law is only a two hour drive away, while my family is halfway across the country, so it's kind of natural that I've gravitated to her as a surrogate mom.  When we were planning our wedding, I ended up going to her for second opinions and advice on a bunch of stuff from venues to decor to wedding dress shopping, which M later told me had meant a lot to her.  As the mother of two boys, she had kind of given up on ever being able to do things like that with a daughter and so to be able to help me out with that stuff had apparently been a bigger deal than I'd known at the time.

Something else that clearly means a lot to her is having grandchildren.  Right now we're pretty much her only shot at that, since M's brother is in the process of divorcing his wife (to whom he was only married six months before separating a year ago) so he isn't going to be having kids anytime soon unless he accidentally knocks up one of his internet dates.  Of course there's never been any pressure, and she's been a pillar of strength and positivity throughout our infertility struggle.  She even gave us money to help us fund our most recent IVF.  But it's obvious that she really wants to be a grandmother, and it's got to be hard for her watching all of her friends talk about their grandkids and not be able to join in.  

Right now, her prognosis is supposedly good due to the small size of the cancer and the fact that they've caught it relatively early.  She had her surgery this afternoon and we'll know more once they have a chance to analyze what they took out as well as a few lymph nodes that they're testing.  In the meantime, I can't help thinking about how badly I want to make her happy by being able to tell her that we're pregnant.  That she's finally going to be a grandma.  And how badly I want our child to be able to know her and be loved and spoiled by her.

It's just one more reason I want need this FET to work.

15 comments:

  1. Yes, this is a reminder that infertility inflicts many losses, and that the people who love us also suffer along with us...

    --Ellen

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  2. I'm praying that your MIL's surgery went well and that everything will be OK... I'm praying, too, that you'll be able to tell her soon that she will be a grandma :) xo

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  3. I'm sorry to read about your MIL's breast cancer. I hope everything goes well with the surgery. Sharing with her that you're pregnant after your FET would be sooo wonderful! I am praying this next transfer is your last one for a while. :)

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  4. I hope everything went well with your mother in law's surgery and she recovers quickly. I think one of the most heart wrenching parts of infertility is having that one person, whether it be your husband, mother, mother in law, who you know will make the best dad/grandma/grandpa and not being able to give them that opportunity. My fingers are crossed that this FET will be the one!

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  5. As one of those people who does not have a close relationship with my in-laws, I am so jealous of yours! Your MIL sounds awesome and I am so glad that you both have each other to support each other during this time. Her situation sounds like it's the best case scenario, and I'm presuming, she's postmenopausal. Breast cancer in older women is such a different disease than in younger women, it's much less aggressive. A patient once told me, "Well that makes sense, when you get old everything else slows don't, so cancer is no exception!" I'm sure there are papers that confirm it, but I love her explanation. As I've connected with other infertiles, I've often wished there was a similiar net work for our mothers, you know where they can bitch about their insensetive friends who talk about their fertile children and grandkids without any consideration...

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  6. Praying for you MIL. She sounds like a wonderful woman!

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  7. I'm hoping all is well with your mother in law. It sounds like she'll likely be fine, but cancer is always scary.
    I, too, am a little jealous of your close relationship with your MIL! I don't have that, unfortunately. Luckily, I do have a pretty awesome family.
    It would be wonderful for you to be able to tell her she's going to be a grandma! I have my fingers crossed (tightly) that this FET is successful!

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  8. I'm so glad to read about you awesome relationship with your MIL. Sorry to hear about the cancer, but hopefully it truly is at the beginning stages and all will be well. I'm so hoping for a successful FET for you Aramis. Please let this be the one!

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  9. I hope everything turns out okay for your MIL. She's lucky they caught it early. I'm sure she would love to get a clean bill of health, shortly followed by your announcement that she'll soon be a grandma!

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  10. I hope that your MIL's surgery goes well. Along with you, I am hoping that this FET is the one!!

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  11. So sorry to hear about your MIL. Hoping today went well! And that this FET will bring her a grandbaby!

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  12. Sigh. It always bums me out when I think of my parents and in-laws waiting to be grandparents. Sometimes I feel worse for them than for myself. All the best to your MIL. She has your love and support, that will help her recovery. It's wonderful that she is like a second mother to you. I think of my MILs (both of them) the same way.

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  13. Envious of your relationship with your inlaws. I probably would never even have a remote chance to get anywhere close to that. I hope that the treatment went well and that she'll heal quickly. Fingers crossed that the FET will bring you your baby. :)

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  14. That really sucks. I'm super close with my MIL too and I (morbidly, selfishly) often wonder what would happen if something were to happen to her. I truly hope everything goes well with yours.

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  15. Oh, I'm so sorry about your MIL. It helps that she has a good attitude, but something like that is never easy to deal with. I love that your mom and your MIL talk independently, that's just wonderful that they have such a good relationship. I agree with you--I want to have a baby almost as much for my parents and in-laws as I do for myself.

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!