Thursday, 10 January 2013

Deja vu all over again

I was really hoping that this cycle would be different.  That the change in drug protocols would mean a better response to stims.  But so far, it just feels like I hopped into a time machine that's taken me back to our first IVF in October.

Today I went in for my first monitoring appointment after 3 nights of max stims (300iu Gonal F, 150iu old nun pee...er, I mean Menopur).  After my bloodwork and ultrasound, I met with the nurse to get my results and drugs for the next few nights.  It all sounded awfully familiar.   The two lead follicles on my left ovary are still there, at 11mm and 10mm.  Nothing else is growing.  The nurse told me that it's normal for most of the follicles to be small at this point, and we'd have to wait for my bloodwork to come back to see if my estrogen was rising.  When this happened last time, I asked what E2 numbers they like to see at this point and the nurse replied somewhere around 400 (over 100 US).

My estrogen came back at 292.   That's marginally better than last time, when it was only 220 after 3 days of stims, but it's still not where it should be.  Which means that yet again, I'm turning out to be a poor responder.  I know it's early days yet and lots can happen, but the fact is there's no room for them to increase my dosage so I just have to hope that things start happening on their own.  

Then there's those alleged "lead follicles".  On the plus side, neither of them has grown substantially since my baseline ultrasound, so there's still hopefully time for the rest to catch up.  But the fact that they haven't grown and don't seem to be pumping out estrogen makes me wonder if they're follicles at all, instead of just empty cysts.  Which would drop my number of follicles (and therefore potential eggs) down to 11.

The worst part about all of this is that I'm not super busy at work right now, so I have tons of time to spend on the internet Googling all my numbers and obsessing over this.  I'm trying hard to stay positive and not let this get me down, but it honestly feels a little like Groundhog Day and I really don't know if I can handle being cancelled again after 8 days of stims.

At the very least, this whole thing is a good test of my 2013 resolution to not let infertility rule my life.  Last cycle after bad monitoring days I just came home after work, plunked my ass on the couch and sulked my way through the evening with a few chocolate treats.  Tonight I came home, did a workout (even though I really didn't feel like it) and cooked a healthy stir fry for our dinner.  Still waiting for those workout endorphins to kick in, though.

It is what it is, and nothing I can do right now will change what happens.  We'll know soon enough.

9 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear that you aren't getting the results you hoped for. I know it is so hard to stay positive in the face of bad news but I'm glad you are trying not to let it get you down too much. I am rooting for you, and like your blog title says, it only takes one!

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  2. I understand your disappointment. Unless something is drastically wrong with my blood test. I've had no response to the drugs. Tomorrow I go in for an ultrasound. I'm so sorry for what you are feeling right now. I know it well.

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  3. Hang in there. Sometimes those little follies do somehow catch up to the leads. 11 is a good number though! Not great or outstanding, but I would have been jumping for joy with those numbers on myself! I was hoping for more when my sister was donating her eggs to us, simply because she was an egg donor so I had hoped for more. We ended up with 9 mature and low and behold, so far I am still pregnant with one of them and have 1 good one frozen. I am crossing my fingers for you that you make it to retrieval. Good job doing your workout. You've also made me want stir fry...

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  4. The numbers may not be where you'd want them to be, but you're not out of the game! Some wine would go with the stir-fry, that should help the endorphins.
    BTW: is that your cat on your profile? He/she has such an expressive face!

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    1. Yup, that was my little guy. Unfortunately he's not with us anymore but I still think of him more than is probably good for me. I love this shot, you can really see his beautiful eye color and he's just so chill.

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  5. You are right none of this is in your control. if it helps I am not a poor responder but I have never have a high afc. the reality is our body will do what it wants with the meds and when it wants to. it almost never makes sense and it is not fair. stay positive and try to focus on getting a healthy egg or two. i know it is hard, trust me here i am starting my 5ht ivf in one year but it is the truth. my fave rn told me yesterday most docs have no clue when a cycle works she said it is just your bodies time. I will be rooting for you!

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  6. That totally blows. I'm so sorry. I am, however, impressed that you worked out and made a healthy stir fry. My cycle was canceled because I didn't respond. My estrogen didn't rise over the course of two monitoring appointment (33 on the first appointment, 32 at the second) and there were only two follicles that had any heft. After my cycle was canceled, I only ate candy bars. I've since added a few vegetables back in my life, but only sparingly. I hope that your next appointment shows better results. My fingers are crossed!

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  7. Sorry you got such bad news. My fingers are crossed that your body figures out what it needs to be doing and catches up by your next appointment. Obviously, we always want more, but 11 is a respectable afc. I was a poor responder on my first IVF and it's so frustrating when your body doesn't cooperate. I don't understand how we can inject that many drugs into our system and have nothing happen. Thinking positive thoughts for you :)

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  8. Oh, man... I'm sorry to hear that things aren't progressing perfectly. Hoping that the other follicles catch up quick!

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!