Surely you can't be serious

Last night M and I went to a pub to meet up with a friend of his who was in town.  I luckily had the "designated driver" excuse to explain why I wasn't drinking, but you bet your sweet bippy I was wishing I'd tested earlier that day so that I could have gotten my BFN out of the way and start drowning my sorrows. 

I started wishing for booze even harder once I realized that, in the larger group that I'd just been introduced to, one of the couples had just announced that the reason wifey wasn't drinking was because she was pregnant.  I mean, seriously.  Seriously?  

I am serious.  And stop calling me Shirley

This morning, I woke up at 5am to a mild night sweat.  The back of my neck was damp and there was a lone trickle of sweat between my boobs.  I thought to myself, well, that's that.  My estrogen levels must be dropping.  I only get night sweats before my period.  I started reconsidering whether it was even worth it to bother testing this morning, if it was only going to put me in a pissy mood.  That could wait until beta day on Thursday, certainly?  My brain started running around in circles and my stomach wound up in knots, but I finally managed to doze off again.

M woke up around 7am and told me he couldn't get back to sleep, so he was getting up.  I figured there was no time like the present.  I got up too, and went into the bathroom and peed in a cup.  I normally test alone, but this time I didn't think I could handle it.  It felt too momentous.  Our last embryo.  I took the cup and went downstairs.  I sat on the couch next to M, dipped the stick, set a timer to three minutes, and turned the test upside down.

The timer went off.  I took a deep breath, turned the stick over, and saw something that I've never seen before in my whole, entire life.

Please tell me you guys see what I see!!

I'm not gonna lie, the line is faint.  So faint, in fact, that M didn't even see it at first and thought the test was negative.  That was, until I exclaimed "Holy shit!" and jumped up to look at the test under lamp light.  There was a second freaking line!  Cue hugging, explaining to husband how an HPT works, and taking obligatory pee stick photos for blog.

I don't quite know how to feel.  Happy, obviously!  But also cautious.  I'd definitely feel better if the line was darker, but (of course I've already Googled this, silly readers) it seems like BFPs on 8dp5dt are all over the map.  Some are barely there, while some are really dark.  And considering that I tested at 7am and my transfer was at about 2pm last Saturday, I was technically only really about 7.5dp5dt.  Ugh, living with this overly analytical brain is exhausting sometimes!

So for now, I'm choosing to go back to the happy place that I was in on 5dp5dt.  You know, the one where I was the most pregnant that I'd ever been and decided to think and act like it.  I liked that place.  And while a lot can happen between now and my beta on Thursday (for instance, I'm sure many more sticks will be peed on and over-analyzed to see if the lines are getting darker)...for now, I'm actually pregnant.  

You guys.  YOU GUYS.  I'm freaking pregnant!