Sunday, 2 February 2014

Surely you can't be serious

Last night M and I went to a pub to meet up with a friend of his who was in town.  I luckily had the "designated driver" excuse to explain why I wasn't drinking, but you bet your sweet bippy I was wishing I'd tested earlier that day so that I could have gotten my BFN out of the way and start drowning my sorrows. 

I started wishing for booze even harder once I realized that, in the larger group that I'd just been introduced to, one of the couples had just announced that the reason wifey wasn't drinking was because she was pregnant.  I mean, seriously.  Seriously?  

I am serious.  And stop calling me Shirley

This morning, I woke up at 5am to a mild night sweat.  The back of my neck was damp and there was a lone trickle of sweat between my boobs.  I thought to myself, well, that's that.  My estrogen levels must be dropping.  I only get night sweats before my period.  I started reconsidering whether it was even worth it to bother testing this morning, if it was only going to put me in a pissy mood.  That could wait until beta day on Thursday, certainly?  My brain started running around in circles and my stomach wound up in knots, but I finally managed to doze off again.

M woke up around 7am and told me he couldn't get back to sleep, so he was getting up.  I figured there was no time like the present.  I got up too, and went into the bathroom and peed in a cup.  I normally test alone, but this time I didn't think I could handle it.  It felt too momentous.  Our last embryo.  I took the cup and went downstairs.  I sat on the couch next to M, dipped the stick, set a timer to three minutes, and turned the test upside down.

The timer went off.  I took a deep breath, turned the stick over, and saw something that I've never seen before in my whole, entire life.

Please tell me you guys see what I see!!

I'm not gonna lie, the line is faint.  So faint, in fact, that M didn't even see it at first and thought the test was negative.  That was, until I exclaimed "Holy shit!" and jumped up to look at the test under lamp light.  There was a second freaking line!  Cue hugging, explaining to husband how an HPT works, and taking obligatory pee stick photos for blog.

I don't quite know how to feel.  Happy, obviously!  But also cautious.  I'd definitely feel better if the line was darker, but (of course I've already Googled this, silly readers) it seems like BFPs on 8dp5dt are all over the map.  Some are barely there, while some are really dark.  And considering that I tested at 7am and my transfer was at about 2pm last Saturday, I was technically only really about 7.5dp5dt.  Ugh, living with this overly analytical brain is exhausting sometimes!

So for now, I'm choosing to go back to the happy place that I was in on 5dp5dt.  You know, the one where I was the most pregnant that I'd ever been and decided to think and act like it.  I liked that place.  And while a lot can happen between now and my beta on Thursday (for instance, I'm sure many more sticks will be peed on and over-analyzed to see if the lines are getting darker)...for now, I'm actually pregnant.  

You guys.  YOU GUYS.  I'm freaking pregnant!

70 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. At first I was reading and saying " well shit" and then you dropped an awesome bomb! Btw your stick is looking good. It is so hard to tell the true hcg level on them. I've seen some that were lighter and had higher numbers vice versa. Can't wait to see more sticks and your progression. Looking good!

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  3. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh there's a second line! I hope things continue to progress well and your beta levels are awesome on Thursday!

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  4. Yay!!! This is such amazing news. I'm so happy for you!

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  5. That is totally a second line! Congratulations!

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  6. YES!!!!!!!! OMG I KNEW IT!!! I am so freaking excited for you!! Congratulations!!! xo

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  7. Congratulations! There's DEFINITELY a second line!!! So excited for you! Can't wait for beta!

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  8. Congratulations! Don't wait until Thursday. Call your clinic tomorrow and tell them you got a positive at home and want to do the blood draw early.

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    1. I thought about that...but then I sort of thought that I like not really having specific numbers to obsess over. I may still cave and do that, though!

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  9. You are totally freaking pregnant!!!!! Congratulations! So happy for you!!!!!

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  10. OMG!!! I logged in to comment on your post from yesterday and I see this! Congrats! WOW! First BFP! Holding my breath for a wonderful beta number! Yay girl! You're pregnant!!!

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  11. Oh and Yes you're the first BFP of 2014 in my world. Thank you very much. :P

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    1. Honestly, I was thinking of that whole "first BFP of 2014" thing SOOO much...I kept hoping and hoping that you would be right!

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  12. Congrats! Hoping for a sticky bean :)

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  13. Woo hooo! You did it! Now I have to actually read your post. I just saw the BFP and was too excited to wait to comment. Yes, yes, yes!

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  14. A positive is a positive. Congratulations!

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  15. Got a little teary-eyed reading this, which could be because I am happily a crazy hormonal pregnant lady. Anyway, that line is seriously not that faint. I have seen faint lines, and while that's not a dark line, it is not that faint either.

    Congratulations!! I look forward to reading about your pregnancy.

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  16. Second line, I see it! I see it! that's wonderful! everything crossed that it works out!!

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  17. That lime isn't that faint....it's most definitely positive!!! Soooo exciting!! Will keep my fingers crossed for an awesome beta on Thursday!!!!

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  18. AHhhhhhhhhhH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! This is awesome. That line is SO there. That's exactly how mine looked at this point. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. You just made my day!

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    1. God that's such a relief to hear. Honestly, I'm mostly just savouring the moment but there's a shred of worry about how light the line is. But it's a helluva lot better than NO line!!

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  19. Yay!!!!!!!!!! This is wonderful! That's clearly a second line, it's not that faint. And please don't worry if you take more tests about whether the line gets darker or dark enough. Just enjoy this! You deserve it!

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  20. Oh my god!!! Oh my god!! I am so excited! When is your beta!?!

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    1. Thursday! My clinic does crazy late betas, usually 14dp5dt but since my transfer was on a Saturday and they only do betas Monday to Thursday (huh?), I'm lucky and get in on 12dp5dt.

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  21. YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!! I am so damn excited for you. I am tearing up here. Enjoy this moment. OMG! OMG! Suck it, DOR! I am going to do a happy dance now.

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    1. I may or may not have already done several happy dances. :)

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  22. BEST NEWS ALL DAY! Praise God!

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  23. Not an ounce of hapulosy here. I am so FUCKING happy for you and M! Here for you every step of the way!

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  24. Omg omg OMG!!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!! I am SO happy for you! This is amazing! Ahhh!!!

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  25. I see it! I see it!!! OMG! Congratulations! We had a slow starter too because the frozen embryos really can and often do take a little longer to implant. Can you get your beta moved up earlier. I am SO EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS!

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    1. I possibly could...but like I said to Nina up top, I'm not sure I want to. Is that crazy? I just kind of want to live in this moment of two pink lines for a while.

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  26. I have been reading your blog for awhile..words cannot describe the happiness i feel for you!!!!

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    1. I'm glad you're still around, I follow your blog but you haven't posted in such a long time. Thank you so much!

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  27. Um...I just came back to see it again. This has made my day.

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  28. Yay yay yay! The first time for the 2nd pink line is a truly awesome and surreal experience! Enjoy it and will be wishing you that all continues to be well with the betas this week :)

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  29. WOOO HOOOO! What wonderful news my sweet friend. I totally see it. Yep…two lines. You are officially PUPO.

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  30. What a beautiful second line!! Congrats!

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  31. Woohoo! Congratulations!! There clearly is a second line on that test :)
    Thinking many positive thoughts for beta day.

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  32. I am so happy for you I could cry! (Yep, there are some happy tears leaking out.) Congratulations!!! Sending you and baby lots of happy, healthy thoughts. :)

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  33. Have been following your story and was happy to hear your news!! I am in my 2ww of a single embryo tranfer just like you. Can I ask - did you feel like your period was coming? I'm driving uselg crazy, just like you said you were!!

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    1. Well, I don't get the usual PMS symptoms (cramping, sore boobs) but last night I had a headache and this morning I woke with night sweats, both of which are big pre-AF indicators for me. I have no pregnancy symptoms at all, for what it's worth. Good luck, and I hope your craziness ends well!

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    2. Thank you so much for the quick reply - I have the same as you and thus started panicking. God bless!

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  35. Weeeeee!!!! That second line is the best news I've gotten all day!! Still keeping everything crossed for a fantastic first beta and an uneventful 9 months!!!

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  36. So SO excited for you Aramis! Praying for darkening lines and an awesome beta! :) :) :)

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  37. OH MAN that was an AWESOME bomb!!!! Such great news-- congratulations!!!!!

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  38. I have such a huge grin on my face right now! I knew as soon as you told me to skip ahead to this post and I couldn't wait to read it! Ahhhhhh!!!!!!! Woo Hoo! Yippee! I totally see the line and I don't even have squint to see it. It's there! So fricking excited for you Aramis!

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  39. yeah!!!!! congratulations!!!!!

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  40. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! This is AWESOME news!!!! Cant wait till Thursday. It's YOUR TIME!

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  41. This is awesome!!! That is a dark line for 8dp. Yay; congrats!!!

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  42. So happy for you!!! Cannot wait to hear your beta results!!!

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  43. Congratulations! Oh, this makes me so happy. My second line was for sure lighter than that one. I promise (and I'm 30 weeks now). I peed on a thousand sticks and was sure they weren't getting darker. Who knows. A second line, of any darkness, equals pregnant. That's for sure. I promise. Being nervous is completely natural. I'm still nervous a fair amount at this late stage in the game.

    One important thing: before I got my BFP, my night sweats went crazy. Sadly, this hasn't really diminished. Small price to pay! Your progesterone is rising like crazy :)

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  44. That is a pretty obvious line, fingers crossed for a strong beta!

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  45. Any testing today???? Inquiring minds would love to obsess!

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    1. I decided not to this morning, as I wanted to wait at least two days so that I'd have something (hopefully) a lot darker to compare. I didn't want to drive myself nuts all day if they looked the same. Unless I chicken out (quite possible, as I'm quite enjoying my happy place right now) I might test again tomorrow morning. Won't be able to post until after work though!

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  46. Congratulations!!! This is such wonderful news and we can't wait to hear how everything else turns out! Prayers are coming!!

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  47. Holy. Shit. Balls. You is pregnant, girl. So, so, so, soooo happy for you!!! You've got the biggest cheerleading squad of infertiles (and some post-infertiles) whoopin' and hollerin' over this joyful awesomeness. Couldn't think of a more deserving person! Hugs!

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  48. I am SO HAPPY for you!!! This made me smile. And the line isn't THAT light-- I think it's normal. I'd call & ask for an earlier beta probably... so hard to wait until Thursday!!! :)

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  49. Holy balls that's so exciting! Congratulations!!!! Hoping for the best possible news for you on Thursday. So many of us will be thinking about you with fingers crossed! YOU ARE PREGNANT!

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  50. YAY!!!! happy dance for you!!! Sending sticky vibes your way!

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  51. Congratulations this is awesome news!! Keep peeing on those sticks. I sure did until the day before my beta. Line definitely gets darker.

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  52. Wow, just 2 weeks of gluten-free, and you got this?

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  53. AAAAGGHHHGHHHG! AAAGGHHGHHHGAAGGHHH!

    Man.

    I lost track of time. I thought you still had a couple of days. What an incredible surprise to find while laying awake in the middle of the night in the hospital bed. Floored. Floored with joy.

    I am SO happy right now. YOU, my friend. Are PREGNANT.

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!