Thursday, 17 July 2014

20 seconds

Well, I managed to hold out until this morning.  8dp5dt.  I woke up at 5:30 in the morning and thought to myself:


I went to the bathroom, peed, and then did something I never do.  I watched the test.  Normally I turn that shit over, set my phone alarm and walk away.  This time I sort of figured that it might ease the blow if I just watched it the whole time rather than mentally torturing myself until the big reveal at 3 minutes.  

It took 20 seconds.

So, yeah.  This happened.

I want to be excited, but as I'm sure many of you know the experience of a prior chemical pregnancy kind of ruins that for you.  I guess we could say I'm cautiously optimistic?  The line is clearly much darker than it was for my CP, when I also tested at 8dp5dt.  No squinting or lamp light required.  Honestly, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  I had several crying spells yesterday because I've been so convinced that this didn't work.  I just somehow felt like I knew I wasn't pregnant.  The total lack of any discernable symptoms hasn't helped.

So what's the plan?  We leave for Vancouver early tomorrow, and my clinic doesn't do betas on Friday anyway ('cause no one gets pregnant on Fridays, duh).  I'm thinking that I'll bring my remaining test and take it somewhere around 14dp5dt, when the Czech clinic recommends testing.  If the line's still looking good I'll call my clinic and try to schedule a beta for when we get back.  It's still up in the air whether they'll do that for me at all, though.  Recall how unhelpful they've been with me getting meds and ultrasound monitoring because I'm not technically cycling with them or one of their "official" partner clinics.  I'm hoping the tune changes with an actual pregnancy though, since I'd be covered by OHIP again and hence them getting paid is no longer an issue.

Oh yeah, one last thing.  Last night just before bed I thought I glimpsed a teensy tinge of pink when I wiped.  I did the TP detective thing (including sticking my finger up there) but couldn't figure out if it was coming from me or possibly a slight discoloration from the progesterone suppositories.  This morning before I tested there was some very slight brown when I wiped.  I figure it's a bit late for implantation bleeding but I know spotting is super common, so I'm not freaking out yet.  But it's definitely contributing to tempering my expectations.

Now I just need to come up with a plausible excuse as to why I'm not drinking at the wedding this weekend!

53 comments:

  1. OMG I am so excited for you!!! That is a strong second line only 8 days after your transfer!! YAY!!! Crinone made me spot a bit so the brown/teensy pink blood could be from that irritation.

    At the wedding order things that look like a mixed drink. No one will ever know. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now that is a freaking BEAUTIFUL stick my friend!!! With all my chemical pregnancies, my sticks never looked at good at 13DPO. Willing to bet the farm you have a full eight months ahead of you with a baby!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congratulations!! How exciting. club soda with a splash of cranberry and a lime. It's my go to fake out drink. Get it in a short glass and say champagne gives you a headache. Good luck to you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That is an amazingly dark line -- and 20 seconds to pop up -- yep, I think this is a solid pregnancy -- congratulations! Do you have an OB who can do a beta test for you instead of having to go back to your RE clinic since they've been so stinky to you through this process?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow! That's AMAZING! Congratulations!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Omg Omg OMG!!! Amazing!!! What a perfectly dark second line!!! What wonderful news! I know it's so hard to believe what you're seeing is real... Try not to worry too much until your BETA, though I know that is SO much easier said than done. XOXOXO

    ReplyDelete
  7. WOW! That is a seriously dark line!! Thinking of you! (Is it too early for WOOHOOO!?)

    ReplyDelete
  8. That line is suuuuuper dark. This is amazing news. Yes, yes, yes!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. That is such fantastic news! Wow 20 seconds is quick!

    ReplyDelete
  10. OMG!! I KNEW IT!! I am so so soooooo excited for you!!! Yay!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. GASP! Could NOT be more excited for you! I am beyond cautiously optimistic (but understand the sentiment). Excuse for wedding: taking an antibiotic for a UTI that interacts with alcohol!

    ReplyDelete
  12. CONGRATS! Do some research and find a simple medication that does not mix well with alcohol. If anyone asks, say you are on some medication and you are not allowed to drink while on it. Have the name of the medication ready incase anyone wants to get super nosey.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Congratulations. Two lines after a chemical is terrifying. I know. Just revel in the fact that TODAY you are pregnant. Deal with the rest of that shit the next day and the next.
    I am a fan of telling people I'm on an "anti-inflammatory diet." No alcohol and no whatever my nutty fertility diet of the day has been - gluten, sugar, carrots, whatever. Or you're getting a cold and don't want to make the decision worse. OR tell them you've found the lord and think that drinking is evil. Yeah, I like that one.
    That's a fucking beautiful pee stick by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  14. CONGRATS!!!!

    We were at a wedding this past weekend and I'm 9 weeks pregnant after an FET (i also had a chemical back in March........I know the fear you speak of!). Anyway, I just carried around a glass of sprite or ginger ale. It worked because there was a full bar, so a lot of others had gin/tonic or vodka/sprite so no one knew mine was virgin.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yay yay yay!! I have only checked back about a million times just hoping I would see this news! Have a beautiful weekend reveling in that miracle inside you. You can actually go to a medstop or some kind of emergency clinic to get a blood test done.

    ReplyDelete
  16. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!

    SO exciting!! Fingers crossed for a sticky little bean! That's a super strong positive for as "early" as you are!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. That is a super dark line, awesome!! Congrats! Hoping everything continues to go just perfectly for you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Holy shit, lady! That is a gorgeous second line! I'm so happy and excited for you!!!!

    I completely understand the cautious optimism and the niggling worry about the spotting, but it definitely sounds like implantation bleeding to me. I had that with Seamus up until about 14 dpo. And then I had on and off spotting throughout the first trimester. It's highly unnerving, but not at all uncommon and is not necessarily a sign of doom.

    Have a wonderful trip! I hope you'll be able to get some beta numbers quickly upon your return to give you some peace of mind. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. EEEK!!!! Congrats! That is so exciting! Hope you can find some joy and peace while you wait for betas. I'll be praying for good strong results.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yay!! That is a dark line!! Saying a prayer for you!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Congratulations!

    Do you have an OB for the rest of the pregnancy yet? I'm sure they would do a beta for you.

    I'm not impressed with your clinic. When I got pregnant naturally, my clinic was falling all over themselves to do early blood testing (HCG, progesterone, etc.)

    ReplyDelete
  22. That is such a beautiful dark two lines! Congratulations!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. WOO! This is so very exciting and those are some very dark lines! Try to enjoy your weekend (easier said than done....) and good luck with the beta! Fingers crossed for you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yes yes yes!!! I understand the hesitation - but this is wonderful news! I hope you can relax (at least a little) and enjoy the wedding as a teetotaler.

    ReplyDelete
  25. That is an amazing line! I totally understand your hesitation, but I'm so excited for you! I hope your clinic is more helpful with the betas and you have fun at the wedding!

    ReplyDelete
  26. That is one very solid 2nd line! Fingers and toes crossed for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. That is one dark line. I get your hesitation, totally do, but remember the circumstances are different this time. And for only 13 days past "conception" that line looks AMAZING!

    Faking drinking was always hard for me in the beginning. I felt like everyone was noticing. I would always do a seltzer with cranberry and a lime. The lime makes it look like a "real" drink and I would just sip it. Not my favorite combo but it was easy to fake and no one questioned it. I would send the hubby for the drinks just incase someone heard what I ordered and questioned me. I'm a horrible liar! In the end, no one noticed anything and everyone was still shocked when we broke our news.

    Congrats hon! You deserve to enjoy every second of this. Have fun at the wedding and get lots of rest!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Yay! So happy to read this and see that test! FX it's a sticky bean!

    ReplyDelete
  29. My heart jumped in my throat when I saw that there was a new post from you! I was nervous for you! Eeeeek!!!!!!! That is one incredible looking dark line that says you ARE PREGNANT!!!!!! I totally understand why you would hesitate to believe it is real. I get that. I've been there. So while you hesitate to get excited, I'm going to do it for you! Gah! Yes! So, so happy to see that pee stick!

    As for the slight, maybe teensy weensy pink tinge and brown spotting, it is normal. Brown is good because it indicates old blood. I had spotting until about 9 weeks. Drove me nuts. Hard not to freak out about it, but it is a common thing unfortantely (for our sanity).

    ReplyDelete
  30. I had a really good feeling. I'm so happy for you!!!!! Czech Mate!!! ( I don't know what that means. I was trying something there:-) )

    ReplyDelete
  31. Wow!!!! I wanted to scream for joy in my lunch room but I couldn't because of all the coworkers. So instead I walked back to my office and am typing this! You go girl!!! Those are some very dark lines!!! This is going to be good. :D :D I am so exchited for you!!! Enjoy the wedding and just hold a glass of wine around. :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Congrats!! That is a beautiful, dark, perfect second line. No hot tub or booze for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. So excited for you!!!! That is one beautifully dark second line! Enjoy the fact that YOU ARE PREGNANT! and have a fantastic time in Vancouver!

    ReplyDelete
  34. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Omg what a BEAUTIFUL second line! Ack! So exciting! Brings back a lot of happy memories... honestly, out of every single moment of my pregnancy (and arguably even birth), that damn pee stick remains the most emotional highlight for me. I hope this is your future baby waving at you for the very first time. Deep breaths. One day at a time. Savour it. Try not to panic. Think positive. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. I know you want to be excited, but is it okay if you're being cautious that I'm doing cartwheels over here? Because, look at that line. WEEEEEE!!! That just takes my breath away.

    As far as spotting: I blame the progesterone. Very common, I promise.

    So enjoy Vancouver. If panic finds you, breathe deep and remind yourself that you're doing everything you can. And if all else fails, come here and vent. Cause you know we're here for you.

    Off to go nurse a sprain from the cartwheels. And my recommended mocktail is lemonade with sparkling water.

    ReplyDelete
  36. That's an amazing line! I am so very, very happy for you! Enjoy Vancouver!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Very nice line, I definitely think that's a good sign. Sending you positive vibes

    ReplyDelete
  38. This one is going to stick around!! : )

    ReplyDelete
  39. I got chills looking at your test, remembering when I got my first positive with Amelia. 5th pregnancy in one year and I had all the feelings you had. My test was also that dark at 7dp3dt. So I'm going to say congrats!!! And be positive! Believe that good things and babies are in your future ... I have such a good feeling for you.

    ReplyDelete
  40. OMG!!!!!!!! You are freaking pregnant for keeps this time. I know it. My line came up super dark and super fast, too. I am so excited for you. Gah! I am going to be optimistic for you. No cautiously here.
    I used to get "mocktails" in those early days. I would ask the bartender to make me something that looked like a real cocktail. No one is paying as close attention as you think.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Yay!! How awesome, with the extra-fast response to make you relax a bit more quickly! I'm so excited for you!
    As for the drinks, get something fancy-looking, people probably won't care, especially after their second drink ;)

    ReplyDelete
  42. That is one awesome line!!!!! Congratulations!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. YESSSSSS! That is a dark and beautiful second line if I so say so myself!! Congrats :)

    I went to a wedding before we were "out of the closet" and since it was so early and I was on super crazy cautious diet, all I could eat was dry salad (hold the croutons). It was miserable. But no one questioned it... I just kept getting club soda with lime and they put it in a cocktail glass, so I don't think they really noticed I wasn't drinking alcohol. I've found that a direct, "Because I'm not," is the best answer to, "Why aren't you drinking?" People are so damn nosy. I blame Facebook.

    ReplyDelete
  44. That's a good looking line, girl! Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  45. THAT LINE IS SO DARK!!! I'm so excited and happy and hopeful for you. What progesterone are you on? I spotted twice early on with crinone. Had a heart attack but everything was fine.
    Enjoy your trip and I'll be hoping for great betas for you when you return. :) :) :) :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. I actually got choked up for you when I saw your BFP. Congratulations on clearing this first important hurdle! Hope everything is plain sailing from here on in xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  47. OMG I just got choked up!! I am so incredibly happy for you friend. I am sending you sticky vibes! xo

    ReplyDelete
  48. Congrats! I'm so excited for you! That second line is so dark! Wishing you a happy & healthy 9 months!

    ReplyDelete
  49. woo hoo! This is so awesome. I'm so happy for you, Aramis. What great news. Hoping your clinic doesn't give you a hard time and does your beta for you.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Whoa!!!!!! Talk about a dark line. So happy for you! Enjoy not drinking:)

    ReplyDelete
  51. Amazing news, and a great line!!!!!!!!! So happy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. 51 comments---you popular lady! Sorry to be late to the party, as was traveling, but allow me to shout:
    YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!

    Hot damn sugar you are on your way! I can't believe the strength of that freaking line at 8 days past. That's an excellent sign.

    In all of my natural pregnancies I had implantation bleeding, which sounds exactly like the color and consistency you've experienced. Implantation bleeding doesn't always appear at the time of implantation---it takes a while for it travel down and out of you. I bet that's what that itty-bitty tinge is all about.

    Hodně štěstí, zena!
    No pivo for you!
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  53. I have been a TERRIBLE blogger lately. I haven't written or read or commented in weeks. But I just had to see how you were doing...and you're freaking pregnant!!! I'm so excited for you. Enjoy this moment, enjoy your trip, and hopefully your clinic will stop being dicks and give you a beta when you get back. Congratulations, dear friend.

    ReplyDelete

I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!