Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Beta #2: Bag of nerves

"The doctor would like you to come in for an ultrasound at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

Not exactly the way you want your RE's secretary to start the call with your second beta results.

My second beta came back at "just under 26,000".  I didn't get the exact number.  Now, here's the ironic part.  I had been all concerned that my betas were too high and that I might be having a molar pregnancy.  But apparently now my beta didn't increase enough for my RE's comfort.

What.  The.  Everloving.  Fuck.

Now, let's just start with the fact that everything I've found online tells me that once your beta HCG levels hit 6000 or more, your doubling time can drop to over 96 hours.  It sucks that I don't have the exact number from today, but even if we go with a very conservative 25,500 that still gives me the best possible doubling time of 107 hours.  Which is not that far above 96 hours.  Which I would actually feel kind of fine with otherwise.

It's the fucking urgency to get me in tomorrow morning that's killing me.  The secretary bumbled around with all kinds of reasons like "well, we didn't do your transfer so we don't know exactly what they transferred and when they transferred it and you didn't do your beta on the normal day so she doesn't have a good baseline to compare it to and she just wants to have a look."  I call bullshit on that, though, because I've already told them we did a 5 day single embryo transfer on July 9th, so they should know damn well that today I'm supposed to be 5w5d.  And a beta of 26,000 is still well above average for today.

I also have no idea what they're going to be able to see tomorrow at 5w6d, but the last thing I want (well, OK, the second last thing after dead/no baby) is "well, we can see something but we're not sure what it is so you have to torture yourself wait all weekend and come back next week."

I just wish one of my goddamn tests would come back normal.  Just one.  Now my stomach's in a knot of anxiety (which isn't good for whatever baby may/may not be inside me) and I just want to cry and go to sleep and have it be tomorrow morning and get this over with.

I'll update tomorrow when I can.

26 comments:

  1. Oh man! I am so sorry :( Those are definitely not the words you want to hear. I hope they are able to find something out tomorrow and that everything is ok. Sending you hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm sorry! How stressful. Hopefully you will see a gestational sac and fetal pole. Sounds like they are stressing you out for no reason. Good luck tomorrow c

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh I'm so sorry you're stressed. There's no need for it. I think they just want to double check that everything is where it should be. Because your not technically "their" patient they prefer to err on the side of caution.
    By the way. ..I know I'm a terrible commenter.. But Congratulations! !! :)
    I didn't respond to your inquiry about my de nightmare because you were going where you were and I know they are good! If I had any inkling you were going with who I went with I would have been emailing you constantly! Lol! Does that make sense? ! Sorry I'm commenting on my phone!
    My fingers and toes are crossed for you tomorrow. But I think you are going to have fabulous news to share!
    All my best!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so sorry you are filled with this stress. Sending hugs and luck

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aw, sorry to hear you are stressed. I had 2 early ultrasounds before they were able to see a fetal pole/embryo, and it was very hard to hear about inconclusive results. But I think you should try to take consolation in the fact your beta results still sound really good. And at least the U/S will give more specific information. Betas are pretty vague. thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. At least they're getting you in quickly and not drawing it out. I had to go in early because they weren't happy with my beta slope either. They were concerned that it was ectopic. Obviously, with a beta of 26k, it's not ectopic. Tomorrow will be exciting, you may even get a glimpse of heartbeat! Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Gah! How nerve-wracking! Fingers crossed you get nothing but good news tomorrow morning!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm so sorry to hear of the scary request!! I'm sort of going through something similar, I had my transfer on 6/30, and despite an initially high beta (although not as high as yours!!), my numbers have been increasing, but not enough. At first, they suspected an ectopic, but last week's scan showed a gestational sac in my uterus to rule that out. This week's scan had a heartbeat and a fetal pole, so we're sort of just hoping for continued good news at this point. My dr said that 10% of healthy pregnancies don't have the typical hcg rise, and also said that it could be a case of vanishing twin (we transferred 2), which can also apparently result in odd hcg behavior....I'm SO hoping that I (and now you!!) are just part of that 10%. Hey, we already have found ourselves in the small minority by needing IVF in the first place, so why not let being in the minority work in our favor for once?! Praying for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm sorry they've added stress to ur plate. Hope that tomorrow goes wonderful n it was just a way for them to feel comfortable as to where ur at and not because they think something's wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Will be thinking of you and waiting anxiously for your update.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm thinking do you and hoping that tomorrow finds you with more good news. And when that happens, please smack your RE upside the head and remind her that betas are not reliable after a certain level.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hoping for very good news tomorrow. Hang in there girl!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Er. That would stress me out, too. Maybe they're just being extra-over-cautious because "they don't know what exactly happened"... which isn't a good excuse for freaking you out, but perhaps they see it as their job. Hoping that you'll get good news tomorrow!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. This would drive me batsh*t crazy! I can't imagine how you feel, but I am sure you'll have good news. Thinking of you!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I suppose I can see that perhaps they aren't sure what to make of your beta numbers since you didn't do the first beta within the normal time frame. However, they don't need it freak you out by saying they have to see you immediately. Hoping everything is good and you just get an early look at that baby. I was 6w2d at my first ultrasound and we heard and saw heartbeats so you never know. I'll be thinking of you. Keep us posted!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Take a deep breath................................. again. Your levels are still amazing and I honestly believe that your little one is perfect. Fingers crossed for some peace tomorrow. You are definitely pregnant, very pregnant today. The doubling of 107 is not bad when your levels are this high. They should definitely see gestational sac, yolk sac and possibly a fetal pole. 5w6d is still on early side. We were able to see hb with twins on 5w6d, but I got lucky. You can do this!

    ReplyDelete
  17. My pregnancy didn't work out, but I'm telling you--beta analyzing and waiting for the ultrasound was pure torture. You've probably already had your scan, and I hope, hope, hope it went well, and if you haven't, sending you strength and hugs while you wait. Waiting anxiously for the good news.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Eek! This would stress me out too. I didn't have betas after four weeks pregnant, so I never saw numbers that high. I'm thinking everything is fine. :) I'm thinking of you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thinking of you and hoping for good news!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I completely get why you are stressed but I still think everything will be fine. I think they are just being cautious and although I can't imagine what a long night it was for you I think it will help to have the ultrasound and you'll feel better afterwards. That's what I'm praying for! Keep us posted. Thoughts and prayers are with you!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ugh... this sounds really stressful but I am thinking of you and hoping this morning went well and that you were able to see something so that the next week or so are not stressful while you wait to be far enough along to see a heartbeat, etc. Hang in there...

    ReplyDelete
  22. I had the same thought as Cristy that hcg levels slow down in their rise after a certain point. I've read from various sources that this can happen around 6 weeks or once the levels are above 10,000, so hopefully Dr. Google is right about this. Still, I know this is shitty and stressful for you. I hope the ultrasound went well (since you've probably already had it). Sending you lots of good thoughts. xx

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wow. That would be awfully stressful! First, congrats on such a great big number. Second, that seems really bizarre they would say they don't know exactly when... because that indicates they don't believe you??? I'm guessing they just don't have full control over the situation because you did the transfer and everything elsewhere. You should at least be able to see a fetal pole tomorrow. Most likely it's too early for a heartbeat though. Sigh. I've been there. This early stage is WORSE than the first 2ww in my opinion!!! I've been (im)patiently waiting for an update from you, but I was hoping it wasn't one full of stress! Hopefully it will only be good news tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thinking of you. Hope you got good news today.

    ReplyDelete

I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!