Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Testing dilemmas

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

For the record, I hate POASing.  For an infertility veteran (yes I think I've earned the right to call myself this by now) I've peed on a remarkably small number of sticks.  One after my first IVF, three during my chemical pregnancy, and one waaaaaay back when I first went off the pill and my period didn't come back.  Five times.  I can literally count the number of pee sticks I've used in my life on one hand.

I'm usually a strong believer in waiting until at least 8 or 9 days past transfer to pee on anything.  The idea of squinting and tearing a test apart in search of a second line just seems like it would only make my anxiety over testing even worse.  I'll take a clear positive or negative, thank you very much.

Except this time I'm fighting really hard not to pee early.  Today is 6dp5dt, and I very nearly tested yesterday afternoon on the basis of a lot of Googling and forum chats where people got faint positives as early as 5dp5dt.  Part of me just feels like, if this worked and it's a healthy pregnancy, there has got to be a detectable (though small) amount of HCG in my system by now.  The only thing stopping me is the crippling fear of finding out that it didn't work.  Because, my friends, as usual The Little Voice has reared its ugly head and is telling me that this whole thing is a bust.

Fitting, don't you think?

Here's the added wrinkle this time: on Friday M and I leave town again to go to Vancouver for a friend's wedding.  We decided to take advantage of the fact that we're flying out west to tack on a few days of vacation, so we've booked a cottage and are planning on doing some more surf lessons since we had such a blast in Mexico last year.

So the dilemma is that if I test before the wedding and it's negative, I'm going to be pretty damn depressed for our whole trip.  On the plus side, I can drink my face off at the wedding and get in the hot tub at the cottage.  And do I honestly think that I can wait until our vacation is over to test?  That will be something like 17dp5dt.  I'll go insane well before then.  Or M will kill me because I'm really annoying to be around right now.

The other snag is that, because I didn't do this cycle through my Toronto clinic, there's no beta date in my future.  I've thought about calling them up if I get a positive HPT and I'm pretty sure they'll book one for me, but I obviously can't do that if I'm in Vancouver.  So I could get a positive pee stick but then have absolutely no idea how pregnant I am or if I'm staying that way this time.  I'd basically just have to wait until I got home and go for a blood test like a ... gasp ... normal fertile woman.

Eep!

I don't know what to do.  Tell me what to do, internet!!

26 comments:

  1. That's a hard call. On one end, there is a benefit of knowing before you fly west (and we are having lovely weather out here, btw!). That being you probably won't drive yourself bat-shit crazy during the wedding. The flip of it is whether this will kill the trip for you. Some people love being PUPO. Others, like me, need that confirmation.

    So here's my thought: First, here's a helpful chart (http://www.nyufertilitycenter.org/ivf/embryo_transfer). Unfortunately it says you need to wait until 9dp5dt to detect anything, but I think you'll be able to detect in a couple of days.
    Second, make a list. Pros and cons of testing.
    Third, take a deep breath and listen to your gut. Because no matter what any of us would do, you need to do what is right for you.

    All that said, I'm hoping. Hoping that you don't get to use that hot tub or take a single sip of alcohol for the next 9 months.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have no patience so I say pee away girlfriend!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey there--are you doing injections? I had to do 2 daily progesterone injections + an estradial one every third day after my FET, so I tested as soon as I could so I could stop injections if it was negative. I think you should POAS, and not worry about how pregnant you are until after vacation. Don't let another chemical romance ruin your vacation.

    --E

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hate POAS too!! If I were you I'd wait till 17 dp5dt. I never POAS during or before my pregnancy because I hate it so much! !

    ReplyDelete
  5. I personally would prefer PUPO to definite negative so I say you wait until after your trip. That being said- if you have a nagging and all consuming need it will totally dampen the trip and not allow you to live in the moment. I vote you ask your man and go with what he says- he knows you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I vote wait till Thu and POAS. If this were me id want to know. Plus I think this will give you a reason to celebrate on your trip. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh this is a tough one! I feel like I would go ahead and POAS later in the week, like maybe Friday morning?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm not a huge POASer either, but I say test on Thursday before your trip. That way if it's negative (although I'm reeeeally hoping it won't be) you'll have a little time to process (and maybe test again) before the wedding so you'll know if you can drown your sorrows in booze and hot tubs. And if it's positive (I got my only positive ever at 10dp3dt) you'll have a fantastic time without that stuff and can worry about the beta when you get back. Plus, I'll go crazy if I have to wait until after your vacation to read the good news! Either way, have a fabulous trip!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Replies
    1. OMG (omg, I use OMG way too much!) I love that clip! I contend that the answer to the glass half full versus half empty depends on if you're drinking or pouring. Yes, I mean to be snarky, but it's a valid point. The 'test' forces you to adopt the perspective of the author. (for example, a bartender would view a half empty glass as something positive as it means his/her patron will either order another drink, or go home) I got into a very bitter argument with my mother over this, so I sent her a copy of the pic as I hope it will piss her off (pun intended)

      I would suggest bringing a test and maybe testing after a full 2WW? You may need to break down a POAS, unless could your GP order a beta ?

      Delete
  10. Because testing early could well give a false negative you'd probably need to avoid drinking/hot tubs anyway just in case. Personally I'd wait until you can have reasonable confidence in the result of whatever test you take. Fingers crossed....

    ReplyDelete
  11. POAS-ing is the WORST. I didn't do it often either and I cringe in horror at the women who do those photo progressions to see if the line is getting darker (mostly because doing something like that would make my anxiety unbearable).

    That said - I did do it on 6dp5dt for all three times, and I did clearly see the second line all three times (even though that's pretty early). BUT, I had the comfort of knowing that my betas were scheduled for the next day each time, so I knew I'd have a more concrete answer in a short period of time. If I was peeing early and waiting a week or more for confirmation, I might not be able to handle it.

    Good luck with your decision. Again, if it was me, the wedding would be totally ruined because I'd be thinking about nothing else the entire time. But if you can tune it out and enjoy yourself, I'd say wait.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The idea of not POAS-ing is horrifying to me. I think I've peed on 7,892 sticks. With one baby and one miscarriage in 3 years, you can imagine how many single liners I've seen. Don't want to do the math? Like, 7,890. Less actually since I'm one of the crazies that peed to see if the lines were getting darker.
    Um, POAS. I'd die at the wedding otherwise. And there is nothing more therapeutic (someone call my therapist) than doing the backstroke through a pool of wine and half-heartedly scoffing at those who can't use hot tubs after a negative.
    Just honor your sensible side and wait a day or two.

    ReplyDelete
  13. To me, POAS-ing wouldn't rule anything out either way, that's how I don't trust the darn sticks.. ;)
    On the other hand, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the vacation not knowing. I'd most likely schedule a beta on Thursday, if yesterday was 6dp5dt, it's going to be 8dp5dt - if you believe the internet, by that time there should be a detectable amount of hCG in your blood.
    Mind you though, if it came back negative, I may have still been left confused and may have been hunting for a clinic in Vancouver to do another one on Saturaday..
    that's just how messed up the mind of an infertile is.. ;)

    Whatever you choose to do, I am keeping fingers crossed for a BFP. :)

    Kas

    ReplyDelete
  14. Aaaargh...I don't know! I've peed on quite a few sticks in my day, but it always filled me with anxiety and dread. I didn't want to do it, but I just couldn't help myself, you know?

    On the one hand I think you should test before you go because if it's negative you can drown your sorrows in alcohol. (That was always my preferred method of handling a negative. Healthy, I know.) But on the other hand, I'm thinking, ehhhhhhh...maybe just take an HPT with you and test afterwards so that you're not completely depressed during the wedding if it's a negative. Of course it could very well be positive and it could be one of the happiest weekends of your life....

    Shit, I don't know. I'm no help at all. Whatever you decide to do, I'm keeping everything crossed for a beautiful, clear second line.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am a peestickaholic! On this pregnancy I got a clear faint line on 8DPO. I do understand the woman that don't want to test early and just want to enjoy what is at the moment. Totally your call, but I would love to see some sticks :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I got a positive digital 5dp5dt with my FET. I wasn't going to test that early but I woke up that morning and just *knew* it was going to be positive. When I had my IVF I didn't POAS until I had my beta and wanted to see the line for myself. That one unfortunately ended in miscarriage, which is why we went on and had to do the FET.

    If I was going on a trip I'd HAVE to POAS before I went......but if it was negative I don't think I'd freak out too badly yet, nor would I drink or hang out in hot tubs unless I consistently got negatives for several days in a row and I was told to stop taking any progesterone or estrogen.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh gosh, that's a tough one. I honestly don't know what you should do! I'm just hoping so hard that either way it's good news!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm not a huge POAS-er myself but I would want to know before the wedding. That way, as you say, you can get in the hot tub and drink your face off it is negative.

    ReplyDelete
  19. So I'm not a big POASer either--mainly because I had no reason to, but I do still have the 3rd test from my three-pack from this round. Waiting to test was hard, and I only waited until 9dp5dt. But what was worse than waiting to test was waiting for the betas to double. And even worse than that, I mean, much, much worse, has been waiting for the first ultrasound. So my only advice is, the later you POAS, the shorter the crazy train ride will be before the first ultrasound (because I'm expecting good things from you).

    ReplyDelete
  20. I would personally pee on several sticks. Probably two each day starting now. Ha ha. No way could I wait, and if I had a fun getaway planned like you do, I'd need to drink and get crazy if it were negative. I understand waiting too, I just don't have that self control. Good luck times a thousand!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I love that picture! As for testing... maybe it's my peesticks, but the second line was always faint even when my betas were in the hundreds, so I don't particularly trust them. I prefer staying in the hopeful stage to seeing a negative, especially since I wouldn't trust it until I had gotten a beta. But I do understand wanting to know before the wedding and vacation... Fingers crossed!

    ReplyDelete
  22. OK my opinion is that the wedding could be ruined regardless of what the pee stick says -- because if it's negative, you'll be depressed; if it's super faintly positive, you'll be obsessing about whether it's going to get darker or disappear and won't be able to be in the moment and celebrate your friend; and if it's definitely positive, you'll be elated but also completely distracted thinking about how and when to schedule a beta draw... I don't know. I vote for waiting until 9dp5dt, putting the whole thing out of your mind for the wedding and at least trying to bask in the PUPO glow, then finally just doing one concrete pee test for a real yes or no answer...

    ReplyDelete
  23. I remember starting a post last year with the same exact words. I peed.

    This is so totally your call. You have to do what is comfortable for you, but I have a feeling since you are already debating it, you will go ahead and poas before your trip. I am dying to know myself, but you are the one that emotionally has to deal with the results either way. I am hoping hoping hoping for that positive!!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. If I were you, I'd wait until 9dp5dt. It's a tough one... I HATE POAS. But when there is no beta, I'd really go crazy.... I am hoping for a very positive test for you! Can't wait for an update!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm not a huge POAS chick either but I think you should stick with your first mind and wait until 9dp5dt even without having a beta... Thinking *sticky thoughts* for you...

    ReplyDelete

I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!