Monday, 24 December 2012

A Very Infertile Christmas

It seems funny to think that this time last year, M and I were only about three months into our infertility journey.  I wasn't yet sure that anything was wrong, although I was starting to have my suspicions.  I had been fantasizing about being able to tell our parents about a pregnancy at Christmas via some weird little "You're going to be grandparents!" gift.  

I'm not having that fantasy this year.

Don't get me wrong.  I know I'm lucky in very many respects.  We're not surrounded by children at the holidays like lots of other infertiles, so we're not facing a constant reminder of our barrenness.  We're staying with M's family this year and he's only got one younger brother who is recently divorced with no kids.  I will miss seeing my family, though.  We decided earlier in the year that if we were still working on IVF, we would save our money and not fly out to see my family this Christmas (special thanks to Air Canada for their annual douchebaggery in raising holiday fares to near extortion levels).  It's fine, since M's family is amazing and I couldn't ask for better in-laws, but it's still a little weird.  Even if I haven't been home for every Christmas day, I at least made it back to see my family for part of the holidays for every one of the last 36 years.  This year Skype will have to do.  On the plus side, it saves me from seeing my many fertile cousins and having to endure the inevitable questions about when we're starting our family, since my mom probably hasn't gone into it with them.  Not sorry to be missing that.

All in all, although I'm looking forward to tomorrow morning and gifts and delicious turkey dinner, it kind of feels like just a normal day.  Not all of the excitement and thrill I felt when I was younger.  I've heard lots of people say that Christmas kind of loses its charm for a while before you have your own family, at which point the magic comes back since you're seeing the excitement through your childrens' eyes.  I can definitely see that happening with my niece, and I'm still holding out hope that it will happen for M and I too.

If it doesn't...well, I guess we'll save a shit ton on Barbie crap and spend winter in the Bahamas.  Gotta find that silver lining, right?

My fellow infertiles, allow me to wish you the absolute best of the holiday season.  I hope you all manage to navigate your way through your particular emotional minefields relatively unscathed, and that the pregnant bellies and insensitive comments keep themselves to an absolute minimum.  May we all find a quiet moment of peace to appreciate what we have, even if it's not exactly everything we want.  Merry Christmas.

10 comments:

  1. We're not seeing my family this year for a lot of the same reasons. I hope you have a wonderful time with M's family and wish you a very Merry Christmas!

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  2. I'm not seeing my family and feel the same sense of sadness/relief. Hate that we're experiencing infertility, but happy I found you! Merry Christmas to you and M!

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  3. That ending was perfectly stated! I have the same wish for you and hopeful that your next trip via air Canada will be a trip for three!

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  4. Merry Christmas! Yes we do have lots of blessings, even if its not everything we may want. Hard to remember sometimes, but it is true. Good luck to you as you start your IVF #2.

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  5. Merry Christmas to you! Hoping this is the last christmas any of us have to worry about things like how many pregnant bellies will be present.

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  6. Merry Christmas back atcha. Thanks for the thoughtful post.

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  7. Merry Christmas to you! I think you have the right attitude about the silver lining. I hope that next year you are spending your money on baby toys. Visiting from ICLW.

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  8. Visiting from ICLW - best wishes with IVF! I look forward to following your story.

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  9. ICLW here. Christmas away from family has it's plusses and minuses. My first infertile Christmas was 10 years ago, and it is slightly easier, even if much different than I would have anticipated. Hoping the new year brings great things!

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  10. Hi from ICLW! Hope you had a merry christmas!

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!