Mixed Bag

This week was a pretty mixed bag of emotions.  I spent most of it out of town at a conference, where I was able to reconnect with a bunch of good friends that I haven't seen in a couple of years.  I was so happy to see them and catch up, but of course that inevitably results in me having to explain our infertility situation.  I managed pretty well at the start of the week, but on Wednesday I found out that a dear friend (who already has one gorgeous little boy) is now pregnant with her second.  What sucked was that I found out while at work, through a comment by someone else talking about my friend going on maternity leave next year.  My friend had actually intended to tell me herself that night over dinner at her house, as she has other friends who have gone through IVF and knew it would be emotional for me.  As it was, I had to be appropriately excited for her at work while fighting back the tears of jealousy and sadness that immediately sprung up.  The week kind of went downhill after that.

When I got home Friday night, I called my mom only to discover that my sister, who is in the middle of a miscarriage, had to be taken to the emergency room.  Her doctor had told her earlier in the week that she wouldn't need a D&C since it would be too invasive and everything would happen naturally anyway.  By Friday night, she was doubled over and having cramps that she says were worse than her labour pains with my niece.  She ended up in hospital on morphine until she eventually passed a clot the size of a lemon, at which point the pain pretty much subsided.  She's home and doing pretty well now, although very sore.  She's also pretty pissed that her doctor didn't warn her what was to come and didn't give her any painkillers in case this happened.  I don't have any experiences with miscarriage but it seems like a D&C may have been in order here.  I'm just glad she's doing OK now.

As for me, AF is due today but is nowhere in sight.  I haven't had my usual spotting either.  Before anyone gets excited, remember that my last cycle was my cancelled IVF.  Dr. Google tells me that what is probably happening is that my hormones are all screwed up and my cycle is going to be delayed (if it comes at all without further medical intervention, given my last experience with BCP!)  Does anyone else have experience with this?  The shittiest part about this is that we are ready to start IVF #2...but if my cycle is delayed too long, the clinic will be closed for Christmas holidays and I won't be able to get in for Day 3 bloodwork.  Which means everything gets pushed back to my next cycle in January.  Typical crap ass luck for us.

Sorry for such a bleary post.  It's just been that kind of week.  What happened in Connecticut is also weighing heavily.  My heart goes out to all the families.