The more things change...

The more they stay the same.

Seven eggs retrieved.  All seven mature.  Four fertilized.

Bear with me for a sec.  I'm not actually complaining.  I'm just remarking that it kind of feels like I got into a time machine that zapped me back to our January retrieval.

Groundhog IVF!

All things considered, this is actually slightly better than last time.  It gives us an almost 60% fertilization rate, compared to our previous 50%.  Then, my RE called in the afternoon with some additional details.  Our clinic uses a technology called Oosight (also called "Spindle View") to get an image of the inside of the egg so they know how to line things up and perform the ICSI without damaging the interior of the egg.  Every egg has a "spindle" that is responsible for tearing the chromosomes apart and putting them back together during fertilization, and if the spindle is damaged or abnormal then you have a higher chance of chromosome damage and hence a non-viable embryo (read more here).  Last time, only 13% of my eggs had normal spindles.  This time, a whopping 57% were normal.  That's four out of seven, if anyone's counting.  All of which I'm hoping means that these four fertilized eggs have a better chance at making it to blast than our last go-around.

Now, I'm not going overboard with optimism.  That just wouldn't be me.  However, I'm cautiously optimistic that we'll have at least one to freeze, like we did last time.  More than one would be earth-shatteringly amazing.  But I'm also prepared for none.  You know.  Just in case.

One last thing is that I really want to thank all of you guys for putting up with me during the last little while.  The fact that you are all still coming here, and still commenting and offering support when a lot of the time I've been nothing but a little rain-cloud of pessimism, still blows me away.  I read so many blogs where people are able to keep positive and I always wonder how they manage to do it.  I never could.  I've always seen the glass as half empty, and trying to change my frame of mind always just seems fake.  So instead I go down the path of sarcasm and snark and dark humour, which works most of the time but sometimes fails me entirely.  And that's when you guys are there.  You pick me up, smack me around and tell me to snap out of it, or offer virtual hugs if that's what's needed.  You're my sanctuary.  My soft place to land when IF hurtles me off yet another ledge.  And even though I've never met any of you, let me just say it now:  I totally love you guys.  Seriously.  Group hug!