Wednesday, 11 September 2013

The more things change...

The more they stay the same.

Seven eggs retrieved.  All seven mature.  Four fertilized.

Bear with me for a sec.  I'm not actually complaining.  I'm just remarking that it kind of feels like I got into a time machine that zapped me back to our January retrieval.

Groundhog IVF!

All things considered, this is actually slightly better than last time.  It gives us an almost 60% fertilization rate, compared to our previous 50%.  Then, my RE called in the afternoon with some additional details.  Our clinic uses a technology called Oosight (also called "Spindle View") to get an image of the inside of the egg so they know how to line things up and perform the ICSI without damaging the interior of the egg.  Every egg has a "spindle" that is responsible for tearing the chromosomes apart and putting them back together during fertilization, and if the spindle is damaged or abnormal then you have a higher chance of chromosome damage and hence a non-viable embryo (read more here).  Last time, only 13% of my eggs had normal spindles.  This time, a whopping 57% were normal.  That's four out of seven, if anyone's counting.  All of which I'm hoping means that these four fertilized eggs have a better chance at making it to blast than our last go-around.

Now, I'm not going overboard with optimism.  That just wouldn't be me.  However, I'm cautiously optimistic that we'll have at least one to freeze, like we did last time.  More than one would be earth-shatteringly amazing.  But I'm also prepared for none.  You know.  Just in case.

One last thing is that I really want to thank all of you guys for putting up with me during the last little while.  The fact that you are all still coming here, and still commenting and offering support when a lot of the time I've been nothing but a little rain-cloud of pessimism, still blows me away.  I read so many blogs where people are able to keep positive and I always wonder how they manage to do it.  I never could.  I've always seen the glass as half empty, and trying to change my frame of mind always just seems fake.  So instead I go down the path of sarcasm and snark and dark humour, which works most of the time but sometimes fails me entirely.  And that's when you guys are there.  You pick me up, smack me around and tell me to snap out of it, or offer virtual hugs if that's what's needed.  You're my sanctuary.  My soft place to land when IF hurtles me off yet another ledge.  And even though I've never met any of you, let me just say it now:  I totally love you guys.  Seriously.  Group hug!


18 comments:

  1. Yay!!!! I am going to be happy for you girl! That's a GREAT fertilization rate! I love the word NORMAL. This post makes me so so happy! I am rooting for ALL of them to make it to blast. This is the optimistic fool in me but hey, I can hope and dream through you, right? This is such great news. You should see me; I'm grinning from ear to ear. :D

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  2. Such a good report! I hope for continued good news. I understand the pessimist side. People have always told me I just need to think positive and don't ever think anything bad could happen, like miscarriage. I don't think that I'm pessimistic, just realistic. I have to keep myself somewhat on a neutral playing field so that if anything WERE to happen, I won't die of heartache myself. Right now, I'm going to celebrate your 4 fertilized embryos and hope for continued good news!!!!! I also want to say how much I whole heartedly agree with you about this blogging community being there for each other. I love you too, and gladly participate in the group hug!

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  3. So glad to hear about those eggs fertilizing! That's the first time I hear about the spindles or how they can look at them - that's kind of awesome! I hope the good news keeps coming.

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  4. So do you think it was the DHEA that made the difference? I'm so thrilled for your 4 embryos! And of course you're pessimistic--I think that all infertiles are more-or-less "little rain-clouds of pessimism". How else are we supposed to think?

    --Ellen

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  5. This is great news! I know what you mean about being a bit pessimistic. I'm great at being optimistic for other people, though. So I'm hoping like heck *at least* one of those beauties makes it to blast!

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  6. This sounds encouraging, although I know you're still feeling cautious! the DHEA could be the difference. I always look forward to your posts and I love your blog because you are so honest with your feelings! If I wanted someone to paint a rosy picture, I'd talk to Myrtle!

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  7. Awww. Hugs right back at ya. As a fellow pessimist, I could never abandon you for that!
    Great fertilization and hope all that other stuff means they will grow, grow, grow.

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  8. I honestly don't know how people stay so positive when faced with the stumbling blocks of infertility. I think your reactions are totally normal. We are here to offer support in all situations, negative or positive. Sending my positive thoughts towards your embryos!

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  9. I think this is great news! I'm pushing all of my positivity your way, my friend. I, too, am a half glass empty type of a gal... at least when it comes to me and my own infertility. For you, all I've got is positive thoughts :) XO

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  10. I can be quite the pessimist too, but I'm really good at being optimistic for other people! It's great that more than half fertilized, and I'm sending some growing vibes to your little embryos!

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  11. Great news! I am still sending tons of positive vibes your way :)

    I think you have to be honest with yourself and your feelings. I'm glad you are able to blog openly about what you are going through, sometimes on my tough days I feel like I can't write about it because my Mom reads my blog and she would get too stressed out if she knew I was suffering. I love your honesty and truth.

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  12. That is great news! Thinking of you!

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  13. This is great news!! Fingers crossed all FOUR make it to blast!

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  14. For the record, the pessimism is what makes me like you.

    Great news on the fertilization!

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  15. This is great news, slightly better fertilization and seemingly much better egg quality. Maybe the DHEA paid off after all. Let's hope this is just the first in a long string of positive outcomes.

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  16. Eeeee.... cautiously happy dancing over here! I wonder if the DHEA led to better quality spindles? Gawd, this stage of the process is so effing nerve-wracking. Don't know how you're able to focus on anything else but how your little embabies are doing. Fingers crossed for multiple blasts!!!

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  17. I LOVE THE GROUP HUG!!!
    We are taking this step by step, and this step is HUGE.
    Rock on, Aramis :-) You're doing great.

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  18. Hug right back atcha lady! Thanks for the info on the spindle. I'm going to ask my embryologist about that when we go in for our egg class. So the other day, I thought about what I'd view as a successful cycle for me. And the number 4 is what I landed on. If I had 4 normal, I think that'd be good for me. So by my own personal standards (because that's all I can really evaluate through), this is GREAT news! I know we are always hoping for more though.

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!