Trigger

So it looks like I might have been jumping the gun a little bit getting all excited about my mysteriously-appearing new follicles last week.  None of them has really done anything.  Most of them have stayed unmeasurable, while the big new one on my right (which, according to one of the ultrasound techs, was probably there all the time but was obscured by my bowel) has stayed the same size for the past few days.  Everything else has grown, though, so we triggered tonight with 5 follicles between 16 and 21mm and a couple of stragglers.  Looking at my stats from last retrieval, nothing that was under 15mm on trigger night yielded a mature egg, so at this point I think best case scenario is 6 or 7 eggs retrieved, with a maximum of 5 mature ones.  Anyone up for some bets?

I'm not thrilled with this, but I'm not devastated either.  Honestly, I'm not quite sure how I feel about it at all.  Ambivalent?  Resigned?  I find myself curiously emotionless, which feels weird after the roller coaster ride I went on last week.  But at the end of the day, there's nothing more I can do.  We'll get whatever we get on Tuesday, and then it'll do what it's going to do in the lab.  We'll either have an embryo to freeze or we won't.  Maybe the fact that I won't be doing a transfer is part of the reason I'm feeling so detached.  Or maybe it's because, after four months of DHEA and a new drug protocol for this cycle, we're still going into this with fewer potential eggs than we did last time, with no guarantee that the quality is any better either.  All of which isn't doing much to dispel my initial pessimism that this cycle isn't going to work, and it's just something we have to do before we can move on.

Wow.  You guys are still here?  Even after all this whining?

Yeah, we came for the Supernatural gifs.

Anyway, one bit of good news is that, despite all of this emotional up-and-downing, M and I have finally come to some kind of a decision about our next steps.  That's a whole 'nother post, but suffice it to say that no matter what happens in the next few days, we have a plan for moving forward.  And just knowing that there is a plan will hopefully make whatever does happen that much more bearable.