Sunday, 8 September 2013

Trigger

So it looks like I might have been jumping the gun a little bit getting all excited about my mysteriously-appearing new follicles last week.  None of them has really done anything.  Most of them have stayed unmeasurable, while the big new one on my right (which, according to one of the ultrasound techs, was probably there all the time but was obscured by my bowel) has stayed the same size for the past few days.  Everything else has grown, though, so we triggered tonight with 5 follicles between 16 and 21mm and a couple of stragglers.  Looking at my stats from last retrieval, nothing that was under 15mm on trigger night yielded a mature egg, so at this point I think best case scenario is 6 or 7 eggs retrieved, with a maximum of 5 mature ones.  Anyone up for some bets?

I'm not thrilled with this, but I'm not devastated either.  Honestly, I'm not quite sure how I feel about it at all.  Ambivalent?  Resigned?  I find myself curiously emotionless, which feels weird after the roller coaster ride I went on last week.  But at the end of the day, there's nothing more I can do.  We'll get whatever we get on Tuesday, and then it'll do what it's going to do in the lab.  We'll either have an embryo to freeze or we won't.  Maybe the fact that I won't be doing a transfer is part of the reason I'm feeling so detached.  Or maybe it's because, after four months of DHEA and a new drug protocol for this cycle, we're still going into this with fewer potential eggs than we did last time, with no guarantee that the quality is any better either.  All of which isn't doing much to dispel my initial pessimism that this cycle isn't going to work, and it's just something we have to do before we can move on.

Wow.  You guys are still here?  Even after all this whining?

Yeah, we came for the Supernatural gifs.

Anyway, one bit of good news is that, despite all of this emotional up-and-downing, M and I have finally come to some kind of a decision about our next steps.  That's a whole 'nother post, but suffice it to say that no matter what happens in the next few days, we have a plan for moving forward.  And just knowing that there is a plan will hopefully make whatever does happen that much more bearable.

17 comments:

  1. Will be thinking good retrieval thoughts for you until Tuesday. Hopefully you have lots of quality eggs to freeze. I think it's great to have a back-up plan but I hope that you don't have to use it!

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  2. First- yay for Trigger night! You'll be rewarded tomorrow with no meds at all, right?? I will be thinking of you on Tuesday and will be hoping and praying for lots of mature eggs for you... Keep us posted!

    And PS: I'm jealous you have a plan. I don't and it freaks me out every single night. This blows! Ugh!

    XOXO

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  3. Thinking of you and wishing you the most fertile luck ever.

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  4. I had fewer eggs on my second round of IVF, and a lower fertilization rate, even though we'd doubled my meds from the start to try to get more. Everyone kept telling me "quality over quantity," which, honestly, just made me roll my eyes. But, you know what? The cycle still worked. I don't know how this cycle will turn out for you, but it's not over yet. Best of luck on Tuesday!

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  5. The hard part is the unknown in all this. We just can't predict how it will all turn out. I am excited for you and the potential you have for quality embryos. I will be thinking about you Tuesday and waiting for a good report! It's always good to have a back up plan, but I really hope you won't need it!

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  6. Sending positive energy your way!

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  7. How exciting! I love the feeling right after trigger. Praying for retrieval to be smooth and painless.

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  8. Though I haven't been commenting, I've been reading and thinking if you. Keeping all digits crossed and housing that Tuesday brings lots if good bees and celebration.

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  9. Thinking about you and hoping so hard there are a few nice embryos to freeze!

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  10. I know all too well all those feelings and non-feelings. Hope and pray for some very nice eggs that will turn into some very nice embryos to freeze. Will be thinking of you.

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  11. I am pretty darn good at successfully turning the emotion down as a protective factor when the stakes are particularly high. Not to suggest that this is necessarily what you're doing, but if you were, I'd be impressed. That would be some A+ repression going on and that, sisterfriend, takes skill. But you could just as easily be detached because of any number of other things, including the fact that there will be no immediate transfer and that you have a plan in place if this does not succeed. Plans make me feel instantly better. They really do.

    Nevertheless, I will be rooting for you guys pretty hard this week from this little corner of the world.

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  12. It's easier not to feel sometimes, right. But we can on your behalf. Hoping with all my might things turn out very well. And having a plan is so calming. Congrats on that, too.

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  13. Good luck with retrieval! Hoping the DHEA did it's job and you get some Grade A super eggs. I think having a plan is great, and I can't wait to hear what it is, but I really hope you don't have to use it.

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  14. Thinking of you, Aramis! This is roller coaster ride for sure. I'm still hoping that your baby is in that batch. Fingers crossed.

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  15. I'm thinking of you and wishing you lots of luck:-)
    I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by this batch.

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  16. I hope that you get a few good embryos! I know this is all so hard, but you have been so strong throughout all this. I am glad to hear you have a plan going forward. I know having a plan always makes me feel a lot better. I'm excited to read what your next steps are!

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  17. Sending you lots of luck! Those could very well be high-quality super eggs ready for retrieval! Whatever happens, having a "what next" plan always makes me feel better. Or at least, less panicky. Fingers crossed for you!!!

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!