Symptom check

I'm 4dp5dt.  I am doing my damndest not to obsessively symptom-spot.  We all know that it's extremely unlikely that I'd be feeling anything at this point anyway.  Besides, when I think back over the past year and a half of TTC, I realized that I've had just about every symptom in the book at some point while in a 2WW, and I've never once been pregnant.  So as a reminder to myself of how ridiculous this is, I thought I'd outline how I've fooled myself in the past.  Here goes!

Nausea?  Check! 

This one really had me.  I was eating breakfast one weekend and stopped mid-waffle, hit with an overwhelming urge to puke.  My stomach started churning, and I even broke out into a bit of a pre-vomit sweat.  Morning sickness!  I must be pregnant!  Right?  Wrong.  Apparently taking my prenatal vitamin too soon before food makes me nauseated.  It happened a few more times until I learned my lesson.

Cramps and twinges?  Check!

Obviously, every little ache and pull gets magnified a thousand times in my brain.  But one night I didn't even need to do that.  I was out for dinner with friends about 9 or 10dpo, and my abdomen started twisting itself into knots.  Knots, I tell you!  As someone who doesn't really get premenstrual cramping (yeah yeah, I suck, I get it), I was sure that this was it.  Nope.  I just went home and farted all night.  Both disappointing AND disgusting.

Sore boobs?  Check!

This one really kind of had me.  Again, you guys will hate me, but I don't get sore boobs before my period.  In fact, my boobs are remarkably non-sensitive.  During foreplay, M might as well be playing with YOUR boobs for all the reaction he gets out of me.  And yet one night when I came home from work, I popped my bra off and felt a distinct achiness in the girls.  Huzzah!!  I was so amazed by this new sensation that I kept feeling myself up all night.  Still sore?  *squeeze*  Yep!  And yet in the morning, it was gone.  The cause?  The old bra I had worn that day which was now slightly too small due to my infertility weight gain.  I don't wear that bra anymore.  It lies.

Vivid dreams?  Check!

If you read my Liebster responses a few months ago, then you know that weird dreams are par for the course for me.  So far during this 2WW alone I have dreamed that:

- M and I got into a huge fight because we saw David Tennant (one of the actors who played Dr. Who) and M wanted me to take a picture but my camera wasn't charged.  It turned into a yelling, screaming fight and we decided to get divorced.

- There was a Sons of Anarchy episode where the guys decided to kill one of the other club members (who in reality is already dead on the show) because he was annoying them about not being considerate and sharing food.  He brought croissants and they ate them all and didn't leave any for him.  If you've ever seen this show you know how ridiculous this is.

- I was playing Princess Leia in a Star Wars LARP (live action role play).  I had a wooden gun and I was being chased by Boba Fett through a mall food court.  I hid in one of those jokey t-shirt and mug stores.

(Side note:  I have no idea where this shit comes from.  While I have a healthy dose of nerd in me, I have never watched Dr. Who in my life and I've definitely never LARPed.  Not that there's anything wrong with you if you do. *cough*geek*cough*)

And then there's all of the "in my head" ones that I've convinced myself I've had at some point.  Increased sense of smell?  Check.  Metallic taste in mouth?  Check.  Unusual hunger?  Fatigue?  Increased urination?  Check, check, and check.

Sick and tired of this whole thing?  Check and mate.