The calm before the storm

It's been a quiet week, followed by a quiet weekend.  Normally I'd be somewhat stressed about not accomplishing very much, but I'm taking it in stride.  Things are about to get crazy, so I'm appreciating the silence for now.

I've been spotting for three days, which means that my period is right around the corner.  Have I mentioned how much I hate spotting?  'Cause I really hate spotting.  I never had it before starting birth control; it only started when I went off the pill and it was my first indicator that something was potentially not right downstairs when we started TTC.  It's never really been explained, either.  Sometimes it lasts one day, sometimes it lasts six.  Once it really fucked with my head and never happened at all.  I've found one explanation online that because of my poor egg quality, I make a poor corpus luteum which doesn't secrete enough progesterone, resulting in a short luteal phase or premenstrual spotting.  Which would make sense, except that I've had my progesterone levels checked.  They're more than fine, and my luteal phase is typically 17 days (which, incidentally, means my 2WW is more like a 2.5WW).  If anyone has any experience with pre-AF spotting that has nothing to do with a luteal phase defect, I'd be happy to hear about it.

Anyway, the spotting is here and it's gross.  It's so brown it's almost black.  It's also pasty and has little clots and stringy bits.  I have no idea if this means there's something wrong with my lining, but from a purely aesthetic perspective it's nasty.  M tried to make with the sexytime yesterday and I had to say no.  He's normally not shy about the nether regions and sex while on my period is just fine by him, but I felt gross and dirty and knew I wouldn't able to get into it.

So once AF arrives, I'll have to start dealing with the reality that is our upcoming FET.  Up to now I've been doing a pretty good job ignoring it, minus a brief freakout after coming back from vacation.  I'm continuing to ignore it now.  There'll be plenty of time to obsess over it in the coming weeks.

Apart from what's going on in my ute, things are about to get a lot busier at work.  Starting this week my supervisor is transferring to a different section.  We're getting a new supervisor, but he has other projects to finish first so he's not actually going to be my boss until later this summer.  In the meantime, as the person in my section with the most seniority, I'll be taking on temporary supervisory duties.  It's good for me in the sense that when I eventually do go seeking a promotion, I'll have that experience.  But it's a lot of putting out fires and dealing with higher level management, while at the same time continuing to manage my own work.  At least I'll have lots to occupy my mind over the next few months.

Finally, my mom called yesterday and told me that she wants to come up for a visit for my birthday at the end of March.  I haven't been home in over a year, and it will be great to see her.  But I had to warn her that depending on my cycle, part of her visit might be spent sitting on the couch with me watching TV during my three days of mandated post-FET bedrest.  She actually seemed quite fine with that and liked the idea of getting to take care of me.  I'm really looking forward to it and it will be yet another thing to keep my mind occupied during my 2.5WW.  I just hope we'll be able to do some fun stuff and shopping as opposed to watching hours of Netflix!

(Netflix side note:  If you thought that House of Cards was safe to watch from an infertility perspective because, oh I don't know, it's about politics and stars a couple in their late forties/early fifties, you would be mistaken.  No spoilers here but we just finished the series and after the last episode, M and I looked at each other and just shook our heads in a kind of "Is nowhere safe?" kind of way.)

Let the March madness begin!